I’m only laughing because once I called myself being humane and caught a fly in a glass to release him back into the wild outside and ended up locking myself out of my apartment, at 4 am, in my pajamas with no shoes on.

I had to walk three blocks to the nearest pay phone and beg someone for change so I could call a lock smith. Never again. Now flies and other assorted creatures die on sight.

Reading everybody else’s plight makes me feel like I’m in good company. Amazingly I’ve never broken anything but I have cut myself very badly and suffered a second degree burn from when I worked at McD ooohhh soooo long ago.

I didn’t realize it was such a pain to order from Amazon. You would think that they would be more “Global” friendly but apparently not.

Nobody tried to help me but then, at barely 18, I was more worried about being humiliated in public in front of strangers than whether I might be injured. My thoughts were in this order: “My dad’s going to kill me! Ow. Shit, I hope nobody saw that. Let me get the hell out of here.” And then a looooooooong time later, “huh, I might be seriously injured…”

It never occurred to me to skip work because I had to have that money. My scholarship covered tuition but not books or living expenses.

So did you get her number, JTC?

I’ve fallen when my foot fell asleep before. Never broke anything, but then, I manage to wound myself pretty well without breaking bones.

Oh, Annie. Did anyone at least try to help you? It’s amazing how we humiliate ourselves with our cars, isn’t it? It once took me four tries to get my food and change from a McD’s drive-thru. I dropped the money I gave them, tried to get out with my seatbelt on, unbuckled it, got out, realized I hadn’t put the car in Park, it rolled over the money…and after it all I was so embarrassed I started to drive away without my food!

Tee-hee, Lynn. I guess we always do see ourselves as Starsky & Hutch or something! The Duke brothers, leaping in the car through the open window!

You’re very lucky you weren’t killed. I can’t believe you went on to work! Being run over by a car would be a decent excuse, right?

I haven’t ordered anything from Amazon in a while, even though I have a gift certificate. Maybe I’ll talk my husband into hassling with them.

So I stopped at filling station off a busy street. It set on top of a small hill, so the parking lot slanted and the pumps were at the top of the rise.

I hopped out, filled up, and then went to pay. When I came out, my car wasn’t where I left it. Imagine my horror when I saw my car rolling gently toward the busy street, gathering momentum as it went down the slope.

All I could think was, My dad’s going to kill me! So I sprinted and somehow manage to get behind the car. Yes, I truly believed I was the Bionic Woman and could stop a moving vehicle.

The car knocked me down and ran me over. But I was actually lucky. My body altered the trajectory and it bumped up against the metal Chevron sign, which did stop it, instead of going out into traffic.

What did I do, you ask? I got up, crawled into my car, and went to work: 8 hour shift at a convenience store. “Hey, why are there tire tracks on your pants…?”

After work I went to the student medical center. I had bone-deep bruises for which they prescribed Darvocet. Mmm, pink…

Seriously. My leg was so asleep it couldn’t take any weight at all, but I didn’t know that. I just fell and heard something go snap.

The family thought it was hilarious. All I did was stand up!