Okay, first, Robyn over at Snarkling Clean tagged me to write some Mothering Truths.
Please keep in mind that my kids are still both small. Also keep in mind that my Faery has been particularly needy this week.
1. You will wonder what you were thinking when you decided to have kids.
Oh, yes. I was free. I could do what I wanted, when I wanted. I could sleep as late as I liked on days off work. I was HOT. I was tiny and slim, with not a stretch mark on my body. Now? You don’t even want to know. I’m not fat, but I’m about five sizes away from those size 3s I used to wear.
I do love them, but there are days I would happily trade them both for a bottle of good gin (as I believe I said to my cp ages ago). Happily.
2. Children teach you that the world is terrible and unpredictable.
Sorry if this is a downer, but it’s true. Not only do the world’s fears suddenly seem so much more real–it’s no coincidence that large numbers of people start turning a lot more conservative after they have kids–but you realize, in a way you never did before, that you can’t do much about it. That you can’t have something just because you want it.
My oldest daughter has developmental delays. For a while they thought she was autistic, then not, then maybe Asperger’s, then not…we’re still having evaluations etc (the last one was just a month or so ago) and the latest verdict is that Princess is just very socially awkward, and needs some physical therapy because she has very loose ligaments. Which is great.
But my daughter is still the one the other kids don’t play with. She’s still the one who doesn’t know how to respond when people ask her questions a lot of the time. She’s still the one who will always be in the chorus because she won’t be able to handle a starring role in the school play. She’s still the one who’s developing nervous habits because she just doesn’t understand what people are asking her, and is trying to buy time. She doesn’t understand that when people tell her things, they’re not yelling or criticizing.
I didn’t take drugs or drink when I was pregnant. I took my prenatal vitamins. I ate healthy (and I ate a LOT, too.) Delays like this don’t run in my family or in my husband’s. There was no reason why this should have happened…but it did.
And it kills me. And I can’t do anything about it.
And also, I wanted boys, which leads me into my last truth:
3. Mothering can be really fricking disappointing and painful.
Your children yell sometimes. They do things you don’t want them to do. They break things. They scribble in your books. They refuse to eat food you paid for and cooked with love and hope in your motherly heart. They watch you button your jeans and say, “Mommy, why is your belly so big?” They watch a movie you loved at their age and tell you it’s lousy and only dummies would like it. They refuse to wear clothes you bought them, enjoy books you bought them, or answer you when you talk to them. You repeat yourself a million times a day. You cry all the time because they’ve destroyed something else, or because they’re so happy to see you they hug you and head-butt you in the process, or they’re trying to get comfortable on your lap and smack or kick you in the eye, or dig their elbows into your sternum, or use your breasts as steps to crawl onto your head. Or, as in one of my favorite memories, they wake you up from an early-morning doze on the couch by slamming you on the forehead with a hardcover book.
Maybe that isn’t the last one. My last one should be something sappy like “You wouldn’t trade them for anything” ut as I said before, that isn’t always true. So I’ll do this one instead:
4. You love them anyway. And you can’t wait for them to get older, so you can talk to them more, and teach them things, and hopefully send them out into the world as a couple of happy, healthy, well-adjusted members of society.
And some other news:
I blogged over at the Deliciously Naughty blog. It’s just a little bio thing and an excerpt from Prince of Death. So pop over if you haven’t had enough of me yet.
On Monday I’m going to do a continuation of Wednesday’s blog post, about ego and giving up.
And a truth about a lie:
Gawker reports that a settlement is imminent in the “Million Little Pieces” fraud suit.
I thought I blogged about the Frey thing when it all happened, but I guess I didn’t. Well. I think the story turning out to be a big old lie would have been a lot different if he hadn’t been insisting for so long that it was true, it was all true, and I’m one HARD motherfucker, me!
And so this is what happens.
Also, I did this book meme thing I got off Scary Monster’s blog (I think, or it might have been Paca) a while back. It’s up on the overflow blog.