Stacia Kane

It seems like lately I’ve been seeing a lot of writing advice around, and sadly not all of it is good.

I don’t mean not good as in, not the way I do things or not the types of characters or stories I want to create. That’s not bad advice, necessarily, it just perhaps isn’t the type that’s useful to me, or it’s a writer outlining the way they do things and might not work for everyone (for instance, I have recently realized that if I do a full synopsis of a story before I start, I have a much harder time actually writing the story. Whereas some people swear by them. That’s a style and preference issue, and there’s really no right or wrong there.)

But I’ve seen a few things recently that I found honestly disturbing. For example:

*That in order to interest and agent you must have a “portfolio” to show them.
*That it is impossible to interest an agent or editor unless you meet with them personally.
*That you should call an agent up and introduce yourself before querying.
*That advice about not using adverbs is only for non-fiction, and that fiction writers should use them plentifully (see what I did there?)
*That it’s okay to start submitting a novel before it’s finished.
*That it’s necessary to hire a professional editor to go over your ms before submitting, and you should tell anyone you query that you’ve done this or they’ll think you’re an amateur.
*That “said” is dead.
*That a contest is the best way to get someone to look at your ms.
*That you should have your ms perfect-bound like a book in order to submit to agents and editors.

…and the list goes on and on, seriously. Those are just some of the most flagrant examples I’ve seen of the kind of advice that can destroy someone’s work, confidence, and chances at a real career.

But how do you know what’s good advice and what isn’t? It seems like it should be obvious, but it really isn’t. Say, for example, the line about calling an agent up. You might see that and sense something is wrong about it…but when you look to see who wrote it, it’s someone whose byline says “Literary agent”. So, you think, maybe this is just something I’ve never heard before. Or you see the bit about “said is dead” and see the writer claims numerous publications. Especially if you’re new at all of this, you may well start doubting yourself.

But don’t. Stop and take a deep breath. And do some research.

Anyone can call themselves a literary agent. It doesn’t mean they know what they’re doing. Look at who their clients are, and where they’ve sold. Google those publishers (if you can find any). Google the writer giving the advice. They may be multipublished, but by whom? Do most of their credits seem to be from now-defunct free webzines you’ve never heard of? Or from a very tiny, upstart epublisher? Or from someplace like Publishamerica? (Which is the source for a couple of those Terrible Tidbits above.) Remember, just because they’re giving the advice, and it worked for them, doesn’t mean it worked enough to give them an actual sale with an actual publisher.

If the writer has a website, look for excerpts. Do you like their work, or is it at least clean and professional? Is it full of typos? Does it make sense?

Look around, too. Is this the only place you’ve seen this particular advice? Go to a website for writers, like Absolute Write. Are people there also giving this advice? How about books on writing–do you see that same advice in any of those?

Remember, before you take someone’s advice on how to handle your career, make sure they have a career you’d want to emulate.

(Hee. The title comes from one morning when the hubs and I were but a not-even-engaged-yet couple, and he was driving me to work. At the time he worked for American Express. Somehow we got on the topic of those “Do you know me?” AmEx ads, anybody remember those? Do they still do those? Anyway, our big joke was if AmEx had Hitler doing one [note: There is nothing funny about Hitler. Hitler was evil and bad], and he had this dopey smile and we were imitating him in really terrible accents–I think we sounded more like if Squiggy from Laverne & Shirley were imitating Hitler [which no one should ever do, because there is absolutely nothing funny about Hitler, ever], doing the AmEx ad. “Hello, do you know me? When I was holding a beerhall puscht, I had no marks to pay the bill. Luckily, I had my American Express card. American Express, don’t invade Poland without it!” We thought this was immensely funny, which was shameful and wrong because Hitler was no joke.)

Anyway. I was thinking the other day about the kinds of relationships we form online, and public images, and stuff like that, and I started wondering how much of me people actually learn/know from reading my blog, and what things are still a mystery (wooooo.)

I think the blog is a pretty good representation of my personality. At least, my personality without the crippling insecurities and laziness and all that stuff that nobody really wants to deal with anyway. I also think I’m fairly open and honest here. Yes, I tend to keep political stuff off my blog, because I find that distasteful in general on blogs that aren’t specifically devoted to politics. And no, I don’t really complain about my personal life–I don’t come here and post, for example, when the hubs or the girls are driving me crazy or anything like that. So maybe what you get here is the “good” me, with all the yuck left off. The new and improved me, now with more coolness.

But honestly, I think we all have something of a tendency to do that. Nobody wants to read a blog that’s nothing more than someone whining and complaining all the time. And we wouldn’t keep a blog if we didn’t want people to read it.

But because this is something I’ve been thinking about a lot, I thought I’d ask. Do you guys think you represent all sides of yourselves on your own blogs? Do you think you know me pretty well, or rather, do you think we can get to know anyone pretty well from a blog or do we need to see the flaws in pure Technicolor in order to really know someone?

I wonder sometimes if this isn’t the reason why social networking online is becoming so hugely popular–because we can carefully censor the parts of ourselves we’re uncomfortable with or think people wouldn’t like (that, and we can stay in our pajamas and not put on make-up). And I also wonder if that isn’t something of a shame. I’ve talked before about how important it is for characters to have flaws in order to be likeable or for people to be able to identify with them. Without negative emotion we can’t really appreciate the positive, right?

I just wonder if I’m at the right level of honesty here, and if it even matters. The purpose of the blog is to entertain (both myself and anyone else who comes across it) and to promote myself and my work. So I’ve always felt this wasn’t really the place for emotional nakedness, so to speak.

But hey, this is supposed to be fun, so here are a few obscure and not-so-obscure facts about me:

1. “Gimme Shelter” is my favorite Rolling Stones song.
2. I have lovely long fingernails.
3. I don’t really have a favorite color, but when pressed I say gray because I think black is such a cliche answer.
4. I have a minor addiction to energy drinks. I especially miss “Full Throttle” which tasted like battery acid but was strangely more-ish (can’t get it in the UK).
5. I’m obsessed with bedsheets. I insist on only using Egyptian cotton sheets on my bed because I refuse to sleep on rough sheets. I was totally devastated the other day when I realized our washing machine ripped big holes in one of my sheets, too. I’ve been collecting sheets for years, buying them whenever I have a little extra cash. I prefer only white sheets but the hubs made me buy some colored ones too.
6. I don’t like hot drinks, even when it’s cold out.
7. I regard cards, like for birthdays or Valentine’s Day, as a waste of time and money.

…And that’s only seven, but so what? I’m quirky that way.

Other stuff:

Personal Demons has its first review! Scooper reviews has it here. She really liked it, yay!

My friend Caitlin Kittredge is guest blogging today, over at Calendula Witch’s place.

(Will someone please help me! I’m locked into this “–stravaganza” thing and I don’t know how to get out!)

Okay. First of all, thanks to everyone who’s entered the conest so far, I’m gotten such a lovely strong response! Remember, though, you can enter more than once! So keep tagging, listing, and blogging about the book–you get an entry (or whatever is specified) every time!

Second, I want to let you all know that the entire first chapter of this book is up on my website, here.

So here we have our first excerpt!

Megan is at dinner with Brian Stone, Hot Spot reporter, when an unwelcome guest turns up…

“Oh, I do love jokes.” Greyson Dante stood by her side.
“Hello, Mr. Dante. I’m afraid this is a private conversation, so you will, of course, be going now.”
His grin widened. Was there no way to insult the man? “Why, Dr. Chase, if I didn’t know better I’d think you didn’t want to see me.”
“What makes you think you know better?”
“I always do.”
Brian looked from one of them to the other. “Don’t you want to introduce me to your friend, Megan?”
Dante still stood there smiling, his wineglass in one hand, looking like Cary Grant on a luxurious cruise. She hadn’t been wrong in her first moonlight impression; he really was handsome, with dark hair and eyes and smooth, lightly tanned skin. She’d always liked dark-haired men, probably to contrast with her own blond paleness. Megan often thought she looked like a ghost. A dark man seemed to anchor her to earth, somehow, or perhaps it was just her obsessive childhood crush on Burt Reynolds.
Before she could disavow friendship with Dante and say no, Mr. Tall Dark Handsome and Annoying was shaking hands with the reporter.
“Dante. Greyson Dante.”
Brian smiled. “Mr. Dante, then. Sit down. I’d love to talk to some of Megan’s friends. Get some more personal information, you know?”
“I’d be glad to share what I know.” Greyson grabbed an empty chair from a nearby table—without asking the table’s occupants, Megan noticed—and pulled it to theirs.
“Which isn’t much,” she said under her breath.
Brian glanced at her. “What?”
Dante grinned. Megan wanted to stab him in the hand with her fork. Of course he was grinning. She couldn’t say anything to him. She couldn’t yell, or claim he was a crazy stranger, or be nasty to him. Brian was a reporter, a man with the power to make or break her reputation. Radio Counselor Can’t Remember Names of Casual One-Night Stands . . . Power-Mad Host Turns Her Back On Friends Now That She’s A Success . . . Fame Drives Radio Counselor Insane . . .
“And how do you two know each other?” Brian was either trying to figure out what was wrong between them or, innocently unaware, was just trying to make conversation. Megan hoped it was the latter. She opened her mouth to speak, but Greyson got there first.
“I’m a counselor, too. From out of state. We met at a conference last year.”
Megan would have bet her car that the closest Greyson ever came to counseling was recommending it for his clients in the hopes they would get larger damages in court.
If he was a lawyer. Which she had to admit she wasn’t certain about. It was just a feeling she had, but without being able to read him she couldn’t be sure.
“Our methods are very different,” Megan started, but Dante cut her off.
“But we both love helping people. I think ‘help’ is Dr. Chase’s favorite word.”
“And what’s yours? ‘Malpractice’?”
“Oh, no.” He folded his hands on the table and leaned forward. “Sin is my favorite word, Dr. Chase. Sin.”
His eyes caught hers, held. She leaned forward before she realized she was doing it, and sat back so quickly she knocked her knife onto the floor.
Dante tsked and picked it up, nodding to his pet waitress, who leapt to their table as if they were the only customers in the restaurant. Megan calmed herself and started studying the room, trying to avoid even looking at him.
Perhaps it was fallout from earlier, but the steak that had looked appetizing now made her throat close, and she made no move to use her new knife. She thought if someone made a loud noise she would jump right out of her skin, and it wasn’t just the tension of the last day or so catching up with her.
The men continued chatting, unaware of her lapse into silence. “Oh, Megan is highly respected,” Dante said. “She’s a real counselor’s counselor.”
A counselor’s counselor? Where was he getting that shit?
Trying to soothe her churning stomach, Megan reached for her Coke and took a long swallow.
Something hovered in the air over the right shoulder of the woman at the next table.
The shadowy form lacked definition but as Megan watched she caught a flash of what looked like dark green before the color disappeared. The shadow stayed, rippling at the edges but hovering in place.
The woman didn’t notice, but Megan stared transfixed. Blurry edges of darkness reached out and passed over the woman’s face, then slipped back into the semi-solid mass.
The image made her gorge rise, but she kept staring, unable to move or blink. If she looked away, would it disappear? Or would it move, leaping to one of the other diners, as if trying to gain entry to someone’s body? It felt so wrong, so . . . evil. Her skin prickled and itched.
While the woman laughed and ate her food, the blurry form twisted and darted around, staying in the same space but writhing as if trying to burst through some kind of membrane.
Megan’s stomach gave up the battle. She leapt from her chair, knocking it over in the process, and ran for the ladies’ room. She barely made it in time.

…come back next Wednesday for more!

***Pre-order the book from Amazon here!

Caitlin’s book Night Life releases today, and has gotten great reviews, not least from me. And if I say you should buy it, well, then you should. So do. Here’s the blurb:

But when she investigates prime suspect Dmitri Sandovsky, she can’t resist his wolfish charms. Pack leader of a dangerous clan of Redbacks, Dimitri sends her animal instincts into overdrive and threatens her fiercely-guarded independence. But Luna and Dimiri will need to rely on each other as they’re plunged into an ancient demon underworld and pitted against an expert black magician with the power to enslave them for eternity…

I’m here today to alert you to several serious medical conditions that are mostly likely affecting a writer that you know this very instant. The information below was designed to help you understand and combat your loved one/co-worker/frenemy’s disease, and failing that, recognize the signs so that you can run away.

Take another swig of your appletini and settle in—and if you’re one of those people who throw up in their mouth watching Bizarre Foods, for god’s sake, go look at icanhascheezburger until this post has scrolled past. What follows might shock you…

5. Francophonia (AKA cat-waxing.)
Definition: Obsession with Hollywood actor James Franco.
Usually affected: straight women writers, gay male writers, comic book geeks
Symptoms: James Franco wallpaper on the desktop, James Franco’s face gazing from every surface in your workspace, James Franco shrines in the file cabinet, obsessive surfing of IMDB, repeated viewings of Spider-Man 3 (Note to readers: this may also be a symptom of really terrible taste, and you should break up with this person immediately.)
Cure: A marathon of the brilliant-but-cancelled teen dramedy Freaks and Geeks.

4. Bloganoia
Definition: The crippling fear that someone, somewhere is talking trash about you on their blog.
Usually affected: Writers who blog
Symptoms: Refreshing LiveJournal, GoogleReader, Myspace and Facebook every minute on the minute. Keeping a tab open for each entry you think is about you, and crashing your browser. Self-googling upwards of 20 times per day. Paranoia that general statements on agent’s and editor’s blogs are directed at you. Paranoia that LOLcats are directed at you. TYPING IN ALL CAPS.
Cure: Dude, it’s just the internet. Turn off your wifi card and do some work, already.

3. Charaphrenia
Definition: The insistence that your characters are alive “inside you”.
Usually affected: Pretentious genre writers, schizophrenics with MFA degrees
Symptoms: Talking about your characters like they are particularly cute and precocious children: “I told Lord Darkerayne not to cut the head off of that eldritch horror, but he went right ahead and did it! Can you believe how sassy he’s become since he was transformed into a half-angelic pirate tasked by the CIA with fighting the forces of darkness?” Claiming that your characters are real people and tell you to do things. Blaming murders or tax fraud on your characters. Listening to a lot of Enya.
Cure: Self-editing. Lithium.

2. Craftitis
Definition: Claiming you cannot write/are blocked because you haven’t developed your “craft” sufficiently, and you are AN ARTIST. Not to be confused with actually improving your craft.
Usually affected: Lit majors, grad students (except engineering grad students), hipsters, writers who scribe experimental poetry in their own urine on sidewalks.
Symptoms: Hanging out at coffee houses because you want to, not because you’re too broke to afford your own wifi. Wearing spectacles from the 1950s. Reading literary ezines to impress the ladies. Contracting tuberculosis. Living in a garret. Contracting tuberculosis because you live in a garret. Never actually writing anything. Getting huffy when your editor or agegnt suggests you “get off your ass and produce some words”. Crying at the sublime beauty and horror of our world, and smearing your black eyeliner.
Cure: A sharp slap upside the head.

1. Revision Rage
Definition: A fit of uncontrollable rage, usually expressed by typing OMG WTF BBQ (in all caps), brought on by receiving negative reviews, editorial feedback or a rejection.
Usually affected: Everyone who’s ever written something for publication.
Symptoms: Crying, drinking, drooling (because of the drinking), threatening to set your editor’s desk on fire, threatening to set your hair on fire, setting your hair on fire, Fire Down Below starring Steven Segal, public intoxication, giving a statement to the police consisting entirely of demands that they RECOGNIZE YOUR GENIUS (in all caps), begging editors for an extension of your deadline, reading rejection letters upwards of 50 times each, posting on RejectionCollection, posting blog screeds that destroy your credibility, drooling on Amazon reviewers, realizing that you still have a lot to learn.
Cures: Tequila

If you know a friend or loved one suffering from any of the above, remember: they’re not normal, they’re a writer. There is no cure.

Although I wouldn’t say no to a sip of that appletini you’re holding.

Yes, that’s right. If you’re looking for much actual content from me this month, you won’t get it. Or rather, you will, but in a different way.

Because Personal Demons releases next month–less than thirty days from today!

And I’m having a bunch of contests and stuff!

Now, I will be holding another contest or two next month, after the book comes out. But right now we’re working on advance stuff. So here’s what you need to do to enter:

1. Do you have a review blog? Do you want a PDF ARC to review? Email me (staciakane AT gmail.com) and let me know! One review equals one entry.

2. Create an Amazon Listmania List and place the book on it. That’s one entry. You get an additional half entry for placing books by any of the following authors on it:

Mark Henry
Caitlin Kittredge
Anton Strout
Richelle Mead

(Please, guys, keep the lists serious. I will be checking, because you’ll be emailing me the link to your list. So if the list is called, say, “The List I Made to Win a Prize” it doesn’t count. We’re looking for urban fantasy, paranormal romance, that sort of thing.)

3. Tag the book on Amazon. Again, please be respectful with the tags. One tag, one entry. Click boxes for current tags and get half an entry each.

4. Preorder the book. From Amazon, from B&N, from your local independent, from wherever. One preorder, two entries.

5. Blog about the book. If you don’t have a review blog, you can still mention it. Link to it. Talk about it. I’ll be running excerpts from the book every Wednesday this month, so hopefully you’ll be able to formulate an opinion enough to genuinely tell your blog readers how much you’re looking forward to it. One mention, one entry.

6. Belong to a forum where books are discussed? Mention my book. One mention, one entry.

The thing is, I realize this may sound like kind of an odd contest (though I’m really hoping it doesn’t). But Juno/Wildside is a smaller publisher, and we’re trying to get the word out any way we can.

Oh, and there is one big rule: NO SPAM. PLEASE don’t start mentioning the book in odd or inappropriate places or clogging up comment threads on review sites or, especially, other writers’ blogs. PLEASE. Your entries will be discarded if I find out about it. There are lots of ways to win and chances to win legitimately. Let’s try not to piss people off. (And no, I don’t really think any of you would do that, but I did want to mention it for the record.)

So…what are the prizes? The prizes are many and varied!

*Two signed copies of Personal Demons
*One box of Cocktail Demons
*Six Personal Demons magnets

In other words, nine people will win prizes here, just for mentioning or helping to spotlight a book you hopefully would already want to mention!

I’ll be doing a release-month contest as well, with even more prizes, including more signed books, Amazon gift cards, demon keyrings, more magnets and cocktail demons…all kinds of things. So this is certainly not your last chance to win! But this month is our last chance to build pre-release awareness of the book, so join in and have fun!

Email me your entries–links, or the copy&pasted relevent bits from your preorder receipt (I don’t need or want your credit card info)–to Staciakane AT gmail.com. I should respond to tell you I got it within 24 hours. If I don’t please email again!

Also, do you have a blog? Are you lazy, and so enjoy having guest bloggers because you don’t have to come up with a topic of your own? Why not have me come blog at your place? I’m clean, and mildly entertaining. I will even blog on any topic of your choice (trust me there. I blogged about pigeon sex once because a blog reader wanted me to.) Email me! Then sit back and enjoy the day of rest.

And come back tomorrow for Caitlin Kittredge’s guest blog! And Wednesday for the first excerpt!