What Stace had to say on Wednesday, May 14th, 2008
Some random stuff

I was going to say something very serious. I actually started a serious post. And then I deleted it. Suffice it to say, something has been bothering me for about a month now, and it’s cost me some enthusiasm for blogging and the internet in general. Because I’m tired of how vicious people can be for no reason, over an imagined slight or simply because someone has the gall to see things differently than they do. I’m a very opinionated person and I always have been. But I have never to my knowledge attacked someone else for their opinion, or told them they didn’t have a right to that opinion or that their thoughts and feelings on any given subject aren’t valid.

Not everyone is the same way. For a long time I thought they were. Realizing they aren’t has actually really affected me, to the point where a few times I’ve found myself ready to give up blogging because I feel like I can’t say what I’d like to say, no matter how innocuous the topic may be, that it’s not okay for me to do that. And yes, some of it is merely being polite. I’ve always tried to do that. But it gets to a point where I find myself wanting to blog about things that matter to me and my hands freeze over the keyboard because it’s just not worth it to have one or two people somewhere take what I’ve said the wrong way, or see an offense there that wasn’t intended, and the next thing I know my name is being slung all over the place and I’m being called names.

Is there such a thing as blogger’s block?

So while I continue to attempt to recover from my brush with reality, here are a few other things.

First, I had the following conversation yesterday with the Faerie (she was wearing a plastic tiara and princess gown at the time):

Me: Faery, are you poopy?

Faery: No.

Me: Are you sure? Let me check your diaper.

Faery: No. Princesses do not get poopy.

Also…head on over to the BookEnds Literary blog and check out this post. The lovely BookEnds ladies are inviting anonymous venting on the subject of agents, and some interesting things are popping up.

In fact, I’m actually tempted to ask people to comment anonymously here about something one of these days, and see if I can get you lurker types to make your presences known.

So watch for that one. :-)

Oh, and don’t forget to come to the League blog and play! Demon fun! Book club fun!

19 comments to “Some random stuff”

  1. KERRY ALLEN
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    1
    · May 14th, 2008 at 10:44 am · Link

    Life is too short (or too long, depending on how you look at it) to worry about how some toxic nutjob is going to deliberately and/or ignorantly misinterpret, misconstrue, or otherwise take out of context every word you say/write. They tend to congregate, so large groups of them are easy to avoid once you know where they’ve established a hive. (It’s when they start to invade reliable bastions of nicetude that I begin to panic.)

    You’re on my fairly short list of places I check regularly because you make me laugh, and I’d miss you terribly if you let anyone silence you.

    Because I know you can make me laugh, I bought Personal Demons, and I was so charmed by the Downspeak you posted in your metrics, I’m absoultely dying for Unholy Ghosts, so there’s evidence blogging is professionally beneficial, too.

    Don’t even think about letting the bullies drive you off the playground.



  2. Anonymous
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    2
    · May 14th, 2008 at 11:20 am · Link

    Amen to what kerry said!

    If they can’t handle the truth -good, they need a bigger dose of it.

    As I always say, I’d rather be offended by the truth than appeased by a lie. -V95

    (actually, I finally got a new bike so it’s really V83). ;~)>



  3. Charles Gramlich
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    3
    · May 14th, 2008 at 12:20 pm · Link

    Yeah, I know what you mean about the few assholes who can really fuck up a good interaction here on line. There are just people like that everywhere, and the more cowardly among them hide behind the relative safety of the net. I suppose they get a kick out of ruining it for others.



  4. laughingwolf
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    4
    · May 14th, 2008 at 1:52 pm · Link

    i agree with the above, don’t let the mofos drive you away!

    in order to post anything, and feel safe about it, a few friends have set up ‘by invite’ blogs, and totally screen who they allow in

    the ‘for public consumption’ ones remain

    with so much bs happening, i screen all posts on my page… only had to deny a few… but that has kept spammers out, too

    look at it this way: it’s YOUR blog, to post as you see fit… any who don’t like it, can contact google admin, and see where that’ll get em grrrrrrrr



  5. December/Stacia
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    5
    · May 14th, 2008 at 4:23 pm · Link

    Thanks, Kerry. I think my problem is just that there’s so much going on these days everywhere and it raises so many topics in my head, but most of them are controversial (although not political. I really don’t have a hard time sticking to my No Politics edict.) I guess what’s happened is simply that for the longest time it felt like this blog was me chatting with all my friends, but I’ve realized recently that it isn’t just my friends, which makes it more like giving speeches to strangers.
    Also, I let my RWA membership lapse which means I don’t have them to pick on as much anymore. :-) Thanks, though. I feel better actually just for having said something.
    And keep your fingers crossed, I’m hoping UG will start making the editor rounds soon. (We’ve been editing.)

    Ah, but V9583Super8, not everyone thinks logically or, um, at all, which makes it sadly difficult. 😉

    Exactly, Charles. I just don’t understand why we can’t live and let live, you know? Obvously there are some things that change our opinions of people, but honestly, short of discovering one of my fellow bloggers was a secret Hitler fan or something I can’t imagine why I would need to ridicule or berate them for their opinion.

    Thanks, Laughingwolf! I do have a livejournal and occasionally I’ll post locked things there–usually something like pictures of my kids which are only visible to people I know in real life or feel 100% confident are not getting aroused by them or some such. The occasional moan and gripe, maybe. But I generally do locked posts like less than once every couple of months. I have a secret lj too but haven’t posted there in a year or so, it’s just such a pain to log out and log back in, you know?
    It is a thought though. I’ve considered inviting some readers here to join me elsewhere for controversial stuff, but haven’t done it. Yet. :->



  6. cindy
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    6
    · May 14th, 2008 at 5:12 pm · Link

    don’t let the boogers take my december away! they are out there, it’s true. but one really does need to /ignore. and yes, everyone is reading this. that’s what you learn to assume when you blog publically. it is kind of crazy.



  7. micheleleesbooklove
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    7
    · May 14th, 2008 at 9:16 pm · Link

    I’m with them. I recently separated my blog roll into “high” “medium” and “low” priorities and you got into the high because you almost always cheer me up and have something interesting to say. But I understand. Remember that guy I told you about? He’s attacking me via email semi-regularly accusing me of all kinds of things. I’ve not responded, but I still get a mail once a week or so. And today I got an angry letter on myspace from someone who read a post I made on a public board and pretty much did the same thing. I’ve been recently told that I’m a wannabe-never will be writer, among other nonsense. All because I voiced an opinion on a book, not even the author.

    It’s ridiculous, and makes me, too, wonder if I might be better off saying to hell with all of it if I’m not allowed to have opinions, likes or dislikes.



  8. December/Stacia
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    8
    · May 15th, 2008 at 2:39 am · Link

    I guess the surprise, Cyn, isn’t so much that people are reading as that they would care enough to take my comments elsewhere, or to get so offended by them that they need to attack. To me, someone else’s opinion is just that. I may disagree with it, I may even–as I have once or twice–blog about how I disagree with it. But I try to be careful to keep my disagreement on a logical and factual and respectful basis, and not everyone does that.

    Michele, have you reported him to his ISP and email provider? Whatever other issues I have with Yahoo, I have to admit that when I was having a problem with a woman from AW sending me nasty emails, they took care of it right away, and when this last Xmas she sent me one of the vilest emails I’ve ever seen (seriously, I think large sections of it were taken from Mein Kampf) Yahoo handled it in less than a day. Now, I’m fairly certain she sent that email to a list of people, so I couldn’t be identified as the one who complained, but at the very least, doesn’t your email service have a “Block” feature?

    I’m so sorry that’s happening to you, and I know just how you feel. Hugs.



  9. laughingwolf
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    9
    · May 15th, 2008 at 6:01 am · Link

    good stuff, stacia…

    took me a while to realize ALL posts on the net, including emails, are open for anyone to read, like postcards of old… screening potential posts on my page give me a bit of control

    board admins can still access your ‘private’ conversations, though

    phone lines are tapped, especially intercontinental ones, so not a lot of personal space left, anywhere

    luckily, i have few ‘secrets’….



  10. BernardL
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    10
    · May 15th, 2008 at 6:31 am · Link

    Internet debate turns sour when one of the participants runs out of facts and decides to substitute personal slams. When they start calling me names, I’ve won. :)

    There are some great comments on the link you gave.



  11. Robyn
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    11
    · May 15th, 2008 at 8:01 am · Link

    Awww, I’m so sorry. You and I have talked a bit about this before, and I really wish that people who don’t appreciate the message would just go somewhere else! The vindictive judgmentalism (is that a word?) just floors me sometimes.

    I was moaning about my tiny number of hits but I’m sort of glad now that I have such a small readership. I can still go under the radar.

    I love your blog, but if you want to just keep writing fantastic stuff like Personal Demons, that would be okay too. 😉



  12. kirsten saell
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    12
    · May 15th, 2008 at 10:54 pm · Link

    I’ve considered inviting some readers here to join me elsewhere for controversial stuff, but haven’t done it. Yet. :->

    Oh do it! DO IT!!!!

    Unless I wouldn’t be invited, in which case, it’s a stupid idea.



  13. ChrisEldin
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    13
    · May 16th, 2008 at 1:29 am · Link

    I haven’t had an experience like that. Yet. I know I’m due for one sooner or later.
    And my heart cringes every time I see a blogging buddy go through it.
    Sorry is all I can say. You can’t really ignore the assholes because they do dampen your mood. But I hope they don’t change the way you lead your life, blogging or otherwise.



  14. Sam
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    14
    · May 16th, 2008 at 2:34 am · Link

    Love the Princess conversation, lol! I think I had one or two like that with my daughter. There is a very cute toilet training book featuring a little princess and her potty – adorable! I can’t remember the name though – but the illustrations were funny, and the story captivated my little one.



  15. Bernita
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    15
    · May 16th, 2008 at 5:30 am · Link

    Kerry’s right.
    I swear some people surf looking for targets to attack.
    Don’t let the bastards grind you down.



  16. Seeley deBorn
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    16
    · May 16th, 2008 at 9:03 am · Link

    Woah, I was gonna say have at ‘er and crankpots be damned, but attacks via email to the point that you have to track someone down to stop them…totally creepy.

    I don’t recall ever censoring myself when I blogged, but I stuck to fluff most of the time. I can understand letting the internal censor hit delete a bit of the time if you are dealing with real issues. Not everyone can debate the existence of god over dinner then laugh about the latest Adam Sandler movie over dessert.



  17. Devon Ellington
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    17
    · May 16th, 2008 at 9:03 am · Link

    The sad thing is that when you put yourself out there, people are going to attack, either because they know they’re wrong (because, let’s face it, if you’re secure in your position, you can engage in respectful debate) or because the only way they can feel value is to put someone else down.

    And I think people like you, who are both intelligent and articulate, have a harder time of it, because there are far too many who are neither intelligent nor articulate, who enjoy making trouble.

    Anyway, hope you feel better soon. It’s a rainy, dreary day here, perfect for curling up with a good book.

    Best wishes to you!



  18. December/Stacia
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    18
    · May 16th, 2008 at 10:04 am · Link

    I don’t tend to keep my secrets online either, laughingwolf. But then I’m pretty secretive in general. :-)

    Oh yes, Bernard, absolutely. But for me, knowing I was right still didn’t really make me feel a lot better. :-( You guys did, though.

    Exactly, Robyn. It’s not that I have some huge readership now, at all, but I do worry more than I used to, and I have noticed a lot of new commenters–which is awesome, don’t get me wrong, I’m thrilled to see them–but it makes me more conscious of what I say than I was when it just felt like me giving my buddies my funny opinions, you know?

    Of course you would be invited, kis! I’m considering it. But I’m afraid my unvarnished opinions might make people hate me, lol.

    I’m fighting my way back, Chris. :-) I am basically over the hurt feelings, but the caution and feeling like people are scrutinizing what I say will take a little longer.

    Heee, it was cute, wasn’t it Sam? We’re going to start the potty training this summer, I believe. She’s a little old for it–she’s almost 3 1/2–but I’m a big believer in “Take your time”. Mainly because I loathe public restrooms, heh heh.



  19. December/Stacia
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    19
    · May 16th, 2008 at 10:08 am · Link

    Thanks, Bernita. I’ll try! :-)

    Well, Seeley, considering the quality of the last few Sandler movies…lol. I have high hopes for the new one, though, it looks fun.
    And yeah, remember about a year or so ago when I turned off anonymous comments for a little while? That was then. It wasn’t that big a deal, really, I was just being cautious.

    *blush* Thank you, Devon.
    The problem I had was, I was trying to discuss something logically and impersonally, and everyone involved seem to think I was being personal. Despite my several “I’m speaking in generalities here” comments/disclaimers, they all seemed totally incapable of detaching themselves from the subject long enough to see what I was actually saying. Oh well. I’m feeling better. :-) Thanks!



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