Stacia Kane

Oooh, before we get started I have some fun news! Several years back I wrote an article for EREC, about the word “cunt”. I submitted it to Lady Jaided, Ellora’s Cave’s online magazine, and it’s been accepted. I’m quite tickled by this. So be on the lookout–Lady Jaided is free to read, and I’ll link to it when the article is posted.

Okay.

Before we begin…as always, the little disclaimer. This series is about how I write sex/love scenes. It is not about the best way or the only way; it’s about MY way. I assume if you’re reading it, it’s because you read my blog and therefore have at least a passing familiarity with me and/or my work (although that’s not necessary) but, more to the point, that you actually find my sex scenes enjoyable and arousing and are therefore here to get some insight on them and how I write them, and what I’ve learned from writing them. In other words, I assume we have some general basis for agreement about what is hot in a sex scene. If you don’t like my sex scenes, why are you here? Seriously.

We will also be touching upon a few of the things I wrote about in my Heroes series, specifically the bits on chemistry. I’ll link to those when we get to them.

So. Writing sex scenes. How about that, huh?

In my mind, a sex scene has four main purposes:

1. It shows us something about the character(s).
2. It shows us something about the relationship.
3. It advances the story.(there is a subrule here. We’ll call it 3a, and it is It increases tension. Sounds kind of funny, because you’d think of it as a release of tension, but we’ll get into that later.)
4. It arouses the reader (Note: I am speaking specifically about sex scenes in romance/erotic romance/urban fantasy with romantic elements/erotica. I will later deal with sex scenes that don’t have this element, but for now, this is where our focus is so this is what the purpose of our sex scenes is. Okay?)

That seems like an awful lot for one sex scene to cover, doesn’t it? Especially the bit about advancing the story, because let’s face it. There are lots of critics out there who claim romance or erotic romance is just a tiny story with a bunch of sex thrown in to pad it out.

They’re wrong (at least they should be; we’ve all read books like those, but do you really want to write them?). And here’s why.

Because in a romance/erorom/romantic uf, part of the story, be it large or small, IS the relationship. How is it possible for two people to have sex and it changes absolutely nothing about their relationship? How is it possible for us as readers to “see” them together in the most intimate of situations and not know something more about them, not see their relationship change? How is it possible for us as writers to ignore the impact of that?

It’s not. No matter what, once your characters have had sex, their relationship changes. Irrevocably. Actually, their relationship should change with every conversation, every casual touch, every glance, every kiss, even if it’s not readily apparent. But it is impossible for your characters to have sex and not see each other differently afterward. And that is one of the “jobs” of the sex scene, to show that relationship actually changing (before the reader’s very eyes! Just like one of those magic sponges that swells in the tub. Something should certainly be swelling in a sex scene, anyway. Heh heh.)

So. We know what a sex scene needs to do. If it doesn’t do those four things, it doesn’t belong in the book. This is true even for the most sex-filled erotic romances. If the sex isn’t exploring, defining, and advancing plot, character, and relationship, it needs to go away. And in an erotic romance or a regular romance, you have a lot of room to maneuver in those strictures.

A brief example: When final edits on Blood Will Tell were complete, it went to the final readers, who gave the book a rating of “S” (EC recently changed their ratings, btw.) S books are fine, of course, but they don’t sell as well as E-rated or higher. I was given a choice. Sell it as S, or add more sex.

It wasn’t a difficult decision. But it was difficult figuring out where to add the scenes. I finally came up with two: the pool scene, and one of the hotel scenes (the one where Julian wakes up Cecelia.) Now, adding sex is all well and good, but I had to figure out how to do all four things with each scene. Where did those areas need to be expanded?

It took me several days to hit on it, but I did. The new pool scene shows several things: How Julian feels about a decision he’s made, which up to then the reader hasn’t understood was a serious and drastic decision to make. In showing that, it also shows how important Cecelia has become to him. It gives us an insight into her understanding of him, and his respect for her opinion (a big deal for someone used to being in charge and ignoring others’s opinions). It adds tension both by showing Julian lying yet again to hide his true nature and by showing their relationship grow increasingly close—and both of those things also advance the story. Finally, hopefully it was damn hot. I sure thought it was when I wrote it, and it remains one of my favorite scenes in the book.

The other addition, the hotel scene, works in a different way. It brings Julian’s guilt into clear focus and allows the reader to see what exactly is holding him back. It’s the first time he admits to himself what his true feelings are. In doing those things, of course, it jumps the story—remember, the story here is ABOUT their relationship, and everything else is secondary—forward. Is it arousing? Well, I think so, but it’s certainly not the hottest scene in the book by any stretch. It’s not particularly explicit. But if I did my job, it aroused the reader because of those emotions and feelings.

This isn’t to say, though, that an erotic romance has to be about sex. I’ve grown tired of the “magic vajayjay” conceit, whereby the heroine heals people or gains power through sex, and thus has sex with numerous partners, or one partner numerous times, purely as a sort of exercise of strength. That isn’t to say it can’t still work, but I think readers are becoming jaded by it; it’s regarded as lazy and silly now (and the “magic vajayjay” applies also to those stories where the base healing power of sex is overblown to the point where one good bed session heals all the hero/ine’s hang-ups and emotional problems. Be very careful about keeping change realistic.)

So. Next time we’ll start getting into mechanics. I have a LOT of material planned. I’m also inviting readers to submit sex scenes/snippets of sex scenes here, for suggestions and critique. I’m happy to do it, but I’m not going to do a ton of them—five or ten at the most. So if you’d like to be included send me an email with the following:

*Snippet/scene. No more than 750 words, please (yes, it’s a lot, but that’s why I’m not doing many). Include a line or two with the set-up.
*Statement saying it’s okay to post and critique on the blog
*Okay. You guys know I’m not going to rip your work apart or be cruel, and I’m not going to allow any commenters to do so either (not that they will.) I’m thinking I will probably moderate comments when we do these just to be sure. BUT. I plan to be blunt and detailed. So really, don’t submit if you’re not ready for that. Don’t submit if you’re then going to run around the internet talking about what a bitch I am and how I wouldn’t know good writing if it stabbed me in the windpipe with the twisted wire from a spiral notebook. (No, I know none of you would do that, but who knows who might submit?) I’m not claiming to be an expert, I’m just trying to pass on what I know and have some fun doing it. So dumb as this may sound, please just let me know you understand that the critique may be an actual critique, not a “Yeah! This is awesome and you deserve awards!” and that you agree to that.

All submissions will of course be kept anonymous. All character names will be changed; I’ll probably just sub Hero/Heroine or perhaps something generic like Jack and Jill.

Whee! I’m really excited about this!

I had planned to change my blogging schedule for the summer and do only Mondays and Thursdays. I may still switch to that, depending on how this goes, but as I said I have a ton of stuff to cover here. We’re going to spend a few days examining the purpose/timing/etc of sex scenes–the basic stuff–and then move into the mechanics of voice, language, rhythm, dialogue, setting, characterization, all that stuff. Along the way I think we’ll have a really good time.

So for now I’ll still be here Mon/Wed/Fri but we may switch in August. Mondays I will probably do “personal” blogging, with sex stuff Weds and Fri. And I’ll probably do the critiques every day at the end of August, so we can apply what we’ve learned in comments. I’d really like all snippets to me by the end of this week though. It’s no fun if you’ve already spent a month and a half studying and thus submit perfect scenes.

And if there’s anything in particular you’d like me to cover, comment or email me. We’ll do a FAQ before the crits, or maybe I’ll slip them in as we go along.

***Warning! This post probably skirts that NSFW line. You know I endeavor to keep it clean even when talking dirty here on the blog (I am a lady, after all ), but you might not want over-the-shoulder peepers here.***

So here’s what I was doing today. Which is actually Thursday, but I’ll be posting this Monday, as I’ve already committed to answering questions on Friday.

Or rather, here’s what I was NOT doing.

I certainly was NOT Googling myself to hunt for new reviews and mentions of Personal Demons online. But, in the course of not doing that, I did happen to find a small discussion of a book which may or may not have been mine, which discussed a sex scene I may or may not have written in that book. But I probably didn’t. This post has nothing to do with that.

And as long as I’m disclaimer-ing, here’s a real one: as always, readers have a right to whatever opinion they have. This is NOT an argument with a reader in any way shape or form. It’s just an interesting thought that those comments about the sex scene which may or may not have been the one I wrote in Personal Demons inspired. It’s not a rebuttal or anything of that sort; it’s not really about the comment, but about how I write scenes, and the comment made me think. That’s all.

So what was said was, that although the male half of this couple in this unnamed book may have performed an act of oral gratification on the female half of the couple, the idea of her reciprocating was not apparently even thought of.

And I found this so interesting, because it really strikes at the heart, I think, of where that scene went and was intended to go, and what the difference is, for me, between scenes in books like that and scenes in my erotic romances.

Of course I thought of having the act reciprocated–or, um, I would have, if it had been my scene and my book we’re discussing. But I decided not to. Because I felt (or I would have blah blah blah) that carrying the scene into that would have taken it too far. Would have extended the scene too much, would have felt a little paint-by-numbers for me.

It seems to me there’s a line that can be crossed, where a scene stretches too far and becomes sex for its own sake rather than sex to deepen or illustrate or consummate a relationship. And to put it bluntly, often blow jobs are that line.

It’s not my female characters won’t give head. They do, all the time. ***SPOILER! SPOILER! Highlight to read mild spoiler!*** .In fact, in the second book–although it’s not described, for one reason because if I went into detail every time Greyson and Megan have sex in that book it would be practically nothing else, they’re like bunnies, those two; for the other I’ll explain below–it is very clearly and definitely implied that such an event occurs. When Megan walks up to Greyson, fondles him, then opens his zipper and sinks to her knees on the floor in front of him I think it’s pretty clear not only what she’s about to do, but that she enjoys doing it and really wants to do it. And, as I say below, I really wanted to show her as the sexual aggressor, her as the one who is in control, which is especially important when you have an Alpha-type like Greyson. I didn’t want Megan to be always the passive recipient of sexual advances, which is one reason why I really like that scene. (The other is I just think it’s a really cute, sexy little scene. You’ll see.)***END SPOILER*** I mean, these are modern women. There’s no “I’m not putting that thing in my mouth, are you kidding? Eeew!” here.

But. First of all, blow jobs are difficult to describe. Well, okay, no, they’re not. But unless you’re in the male’s POV, they’re difficult to describe for any length of time without just starting to inch over the line between hot sex scene and graphic sex scene. They’re a great way to illustrate the power the heroine has over the hero, but again, I felt I’d already demonstrated that amply.

I’ve written countless blow job scenes. Almost every one of them was initiated by the woman, and was (I think) a hot scene. But in this book, in this scene, I thought it would be too much. I didn’t think it would actually show the reader anything about the characters and how they interact, to be honest. So we find out his hands are gentle in her hair or something? We already know that; he’s been gentle the whole time, why would he be different here? A sex scene shouldn’t be just about the sex. It should be about the relationship. In a relationship there’s really no need to do everything every time, because you know there’s time for that later. So why make sure you’ve fit everything into one scene?

Then there’s the pacing issue, and the paint-by-numbers one. Sex scenes can start to feel a little Tab-A-into-Slot-B if you’re going by a very particular set series of events. They kiss. Her clothes come off. His clothes come off. He goes down on her. She goes down on him. Etc. etc. etc. It starts to feel like little kids taking turns, which doesn’t appeal to me. I like to mix it up. Heh heh.

And really, doesn’t a blow job mean more when she initiates it on her own, not because she feels like she has to reciprocate? And vice versa? I like how having her initiate, out of the blue, shows the female as the sexual aggressor. I like how it shows she has confidence in the relationship, or confidence in her ability to please and be pleased in return, or whatever else I’m having it show. I want it to show something; I don’t want it to get lost in a “Well, he did it to her, so…” scenario.

We also have the “I have to HAVE you” element. I know men love blow jobs. DUH. But isn’t it really, really hot to think he’s so desperate to actually have sex that the thought of encouraging oral pleasures just isn’t there? Let’s be honest. This is a fantasy. It may be a very realistic fantasy, sure. But the hero in a romance, or the love interest in a non-romance, is not going to grab the heroine’s head and force it below his waist (well, okay, he might, because that can be hot as shit. I wrote a scene where the hero orders the heroine to her knees–in a low, sexy whisper, no less–and I thought that was pretty damn hot, and still do. But that’s a different type of scene, and the overall feeling and mood of a sex scene is important and shouldn’t be messed around with unless it’s for a specific purpose.) We’re not talking about that type of scene. We’re talking about the type of scene where the hero is essentially begging the heroine to let him into her pants, and a man in that position is, IMO, likely to want to move on to the main event.

Of course, it could be argued that if he was that desperate, why would he go down on her? Well, because I said so, that’s why. No, really, in a way it is. It’s my scene and my characters. Some men may not do that, or might not do that in that situation, or whatever. But come on now, we’re all well aware that women do not climax as easily as men do from straight intercourse (geez, that sentence could have come from a freaking textbook, huh?) So while a blow job might be simply icing on the cake (was that a bad image to use?) for a man, oral sex could very well be the only way a woman gets to finish. What gentleman could allow her to go without, especially the first time? Even if he’s dead confident he can get her there a second time, it’s still only polite, isn’t it?

But really, what it comes down to for me, what it came down to, is that adding the blow job lengthens the scene and makes it more graphic than it needs to be. Those of you who’ve read both my December books and PD saw–and quite a few commented on–how different those scenes were in tone, language, and action. Because I felt that difference was necessary and important.

It’s not that I think the addition of a blow job automatically makes a scene porn, or too erotic, or whatever. I’m not saying that at all. It’s simply–and if I wasn’t so wordy I would have just said this and it could have been the whole post–that not every scene calls for every sexual act. Very few of my erotic books follow that he-does-so-she-does formula; to be honest, it bothers me a bit when they do. It feels frankly disruptive. It messes with the smooth flow of the action, IMO, or at least it would have in that scene and in quite a few of my December scenes too. There’s no need to prove some point by making sure everybody gets a little mouth action in every scene; sex shouldn’t need to be egalitarian.

I’m sure there will be some who disagree with me, and I’m really looking forward to that discussion. But like I said, that comment really did make the think about why I didn’t put that in there, why I considered and discarded the idea. I didn’t really put a lot of thought into it at the time, although I do have a very clear memory of considering having her reciprocate at the moment and deciding not to, because she was laying down (or lying? I’m never sure) and he was looming over her and I thought it would be sort of clumsy and graceless to fit that in, and it just wasn’t where I wanted to go.

So…what do you guys think?

You know what? Maybe I’ll do my summer series on writing sex scenes. That sounds really fun, actually. Hmm.

1. It’s very odd to have today be just another day. Yes, this is our third 4th in the UK but for some reason this year it feels like a big deal. I think this is partly due to mentioning to Princess the other day that the 4th was coming up and having her not know what that meant. So she got a crash course in it, and now when you ask what today is, she says, “It’s America’s birthday!” Also, her teacher wished me a happy Independence Day when I dropped her off, which was really nice, and the hubs’s colleagues decorated his desk with flags and a copy of the Constitution, which was seriously awesome. He told them he’d be celebrating the day by stealing all the tea from the breakroom and dumping it in the lake outside.

2. I got toothpaste in my eye this morning while brushing my teeth. At least I think I did. Something got in my eye, and it hurt like fuck, seriously. Imagine me, bent over the sink with my eyes squeezed shut and tears pouring out of the right one, my mouth full of toothpaste, trying to hurry and finish brushing with my right hand while using my left to try and pluck at my eyelid to free whatever it was in my eye. Not fun. Probably pretty funny, I imagine I looked like some sort of rabid eye-plucking Quasimodo, but not fun. How the hell does toothpaste get in someone’s eye? How did I manage that?

3. Stopped at the used book stall in the town this morning. It’s there a couple of days a week, and I’ve been desperate for something new to read so I had a little browse. I wanted something fairly mindless, really, something I could just breeze through and not have to concentrate on. But of course things catch your (toothpaste-free) eye. I bought Carson McCullers’s The Member of the Wedding, The Golden Bough (win! I lost my old copy), and Single White Female (the novel they based the movie on.) The guy running the stall looked at me like I was insane. I smiled and told him I have eclectic tastes.

4. Oh! Monday’s post will be mildly NSFW, just to warn in advance. I actually considered posting it today as people aren’t at work, but since most of you seem to read from work I decided against it. It’s not really pornographic or anything, but be warned. I think it’s a really fun post though, so don’t forget to come check it out.

Okay, questions!

Robyn asked, “Have any of your kids’ friends’ mothers, the PTA, etc. ever found out you wrote HAWT and looked down on you for it? Or called your mothering skills into question because of it?”

Well. Yes, a few people know. No, I haven’t had any problems. I’m very careful who I tell, though. While I don’t honestly believe I’d have any problems with it, I think it’s best to keep it under my hat for the most part. And if someone did find out and have a problem with it…well, it’s not like I read my books out loud to my children or encourage them to act them out.

Charles (whom I suspect is taking the piss) asked “If your books were animals, what kind of animals would they be?”

Panthers! RAWR! At least I hope they’d be something in the big cat family. Nobody wants to write books that are, you know, mice or opossums or something.

From Bernard comes “would you like to time travel into your sixteen year old body with all the knowledge you have now?”

Heck yeah. I’d love to. I’d drop out of high school and get an AA degree, I think, so I could get a better job to support myself while writing at night and on weekends. And there are a lot of people I’d like to say things to, both good and bad. That would be nice.

V95, another Man Making Fun (lol) came up with this one: “What is the meaning of life?”

I have no idea, seriously. I don’t think there is a meaning of life, and that’s all there is. It means whatever you want it to mean.

Writtenwyrdd suggested “Do you actually believe in the things you write about?”

Yes, absolutely. Even if I didn’t I would as I write them, but I do.

And Samantha and V95 both gave me that perennial 70s Barbara Walters favorite, “If you were a tree, what kind of tree would you be?”

I really have no idea. Pine, maybe? Weeping willow? I’d like to say something like a big maple or oak but I don’t think I’m really that sort of girl. But who knows? I think questions like this presume a high degree of self-knowledge and self-esteem, and while I have the first I think the two are mutually exclusive.

So that was fun! Have a great 4th and a great weekend, and we’re going to talk about oral sexual acts on Monday (no, seriously.)

First, I finished the WIP Monday night. Which is nice. It’s long (97k) and the first half needs to be ripped the shreds, but overall…well, overall it’s okay. But there are a few scenes and stuff in it that I’m extremely pleased with. So that’s a start.

And speaking of my work, this is really cool. Personal Demons is a July subfeature on the B&N.com Paranormal Book Club discussion forum! So go register and stuff and talk about my book! I’m trying to decide if I should go register and stuff or if that would be a weird, egotistical stalkery thing to do and would just make everyone uncomfortable.

Also, have you guys seen the new James Bond trailer? (You have to scroll down just a tad.) Hell yeah!

And. I have decided something. Since y’all were so helpful suggesting interview questions for me to ask myself, I’m going to answer all of them here. Well, I already answered the ones on livejournal, in the comments. But the ones on Blogger I haven’t. So I’ll do one or two today and the rest on Friday.

I did make a decision on that. Mark Henry suggested I ask myself something uncomfortable, something that really probes into the heart of my creativity. While I think my level of creativity is debatable I decided I kind of liked the idea of really challenging myself, so that’s what I did. You’ll have to wait for the interview to see what it was.

So. First there was Bernita (one of the most awesome and wonderful people I’ve ever met), who asked, “Would you sign our publishing contract for six figures?”

Yes. Yes, I would. Assuming that’s six figures to be paid to me, and not the other way around. Also that a good portion of those figures come before the decimal point, and it’s not, like, $1.32674 or something. Will you sign this publishing contract for pi? Um…

Then Anna J. Evans asked if I “believe in reincarnation, and what do I think I was in a past life?”

Hmm. I really don’t know. I guess I do believe in it, yeah. And there have been a few times where I’ve wondered about my past lives. I remember having a few very clear memories when I was younger about a Victorian house. But I’ve never had any real, strong impressions of anything like that. Oh, once I fell totally in love with this guy at first sight, and someone told me he’d been my husband in a past life but was killed in battle and I never married again in that life. Which was interesting.

And Laughingwolf asked “Does parenting affect how, and what, you write about?”

Absolutely. First there’s the practical aspect. It affects me because I can’t just sit and write 24 hours a day the way I’d like to; I have these kids to take care of. And while I can and do write with them in the room, writing the erotic scenes around them is difficult.
As to what…again, yeah. My aversion to stories where children die stems pretty directly from being a parent. The idea just doesn’t appeal to me; it sounds cheesy but I don’t want to put that kind of energy out into the world. There is a certain minimum age for me, beyond which I just can’t bring myself to kill characters and I strongly dislike reading it in other people’s books. There are exceptions when it comes to reading, sure, but writing…I just don’t think so.

More on Friday, and thanks so much again to everyone who suggested questions for me!