What Stace had to say on Sunday, September 26th, 2010
Saturday Night Rant

Because I feel like it, that’s why.

I went to get my hair cut today (yes, I just bitched about this on Twitter. So? I have something else to rant about too, so if you’ve already read this–oh, your time is soooo valuable, you can’t read a little rant more than once–feel free to skip.

Last week hubs and I were doing a bit of online browsing at Daddy O’s, which we do quite often and have done for years and years now, almost since it opened. And we came across pictures of this model and her adorable hair, which we both really liked, and thought would be really cute on me. So I’ve been thinking about it all week, and hubs printed out the pictures so I could look at them, and I decided, yeah, today I’m going to get do it. Because yes, it’s shorter than what I have now, but it isn’t, like, microshort or anything. I wore my hair a lot like it fifteen years or so ago, and it never took long to grow out.

Problem, of course, is that I don’t know where in this area to go. The last place I got a professional cut closed, and even if it hadn’t I wouldn’t have gone back there, because it was too expensive and the girl really didn’t listen to me or do what I wanted, which just sucked.

I drove past a few places, but they were all, like, “Day Spa/Salon”s, which means they’re going to be outrageously expensive too. Finally I found an open place, walked in, and was greeted by this incredibly dour, frumpy little woman with that burgundy-auburn dyed hair, do you know the color I mean? Seriously, she looked like Rosa Klebb. Without the cheer.

I already had that sort of nervous icky feeling in my stomach, because I wasn’t sure I wanted to let Mama Steelboot there near me with scissors. But I showed her my pictures anyway, figuring who knows, maybe she’s an excellent stylist who just has bad person taste, right?

Her thick eyebrows rose up to her weirdly side-swept bangs. “You want to go this short?”

I don’t think the cut is that short, actually, and that’s what I said. She sort of looks at my hair again, raises her eyebrows further, and says, “Well, it’s shorter than what you have now.”

Um, yeah…that’s why they call it a hair cut. Also, duh, I can see that it’s shorter than what I have now; I even brought pictures to reference, and am perfectly capable of understanding the concept of varying lengths. Also, fuck you, lady.

She took my name, and went to start sweeping up, and I stood there wondering why I was even contemplating letting this woman who obviously didn’t get me or what I wanted, and who I suspected might deliberately sabotage my hair just for pleasure, at all near me, so I didn’t. I told her I wanted to think about it more, and ran.

Why is it so damn hard to find a decent stylist? One who will actually listen to what you want, and give it to you? I just don’t get it. This is why I cut my own hair. I just don’t feel confident I can do that cut myself, because of all the layers in the back.

Anyway. This leads me to another rant, which was brought on by a humorous discussion on Absolute Write, and I’m basically going to repeat what I said. (Hmm. Maybe I should have called this post “Recycled Rants.”

The discussion was about celebrities eating during interviews, and how just once it would be cool to see someone polish off a cheeseburger or something. I commented that only very thin actresses get to do that, in the guise of A) proving they’re not anorexic; B) proving they just naturally have the metabolism of gazelles, hee, and it’s just natural on them. Both of which are bullshit, and piss me off.

What pisses me off even more, along those same lines–and this is a blast from the past–is a scene in the Charlie’s Angels movie. Drew Barrymore, who produced it or whatever it was she did, insisted that there be a scene in it where the Angels sat down and ate burgers and fries, to convey the massage to girls women should eat and that they shouldn’t starve themselves to be thin or some crap like that. Except it’s bullshit, and Drew knows it.

If you want to be thin, you cannot sit down and tuck into plates of cheeseburgers and fries every day. You just can’t. Once a week, sure, especially if you’re fairly careful the rest of the time. But the idea that thin women gorge themselves at every opportunity is, IMO, just as damaging to young women as telling them not to eat.

It’s yet another unrealistic ideal for them to live up to. Not only are they supposed to be size 2s, they’re supposed to be able to eat half a cow and STILL be a size 2. For the record, I am a size 2 (actually, the jeans I’m wearing at the moment are a Juniors size 1, but they’re a bit tight). I worked hard to get to this size. I work hard to stay this size. That means I don’t get to eat burgers and fries every day. I don’t get to eat half a chocolate cream pie in the evening; in fact, I rarely eat anything for dessert except a bar of taffy (I like taffy, especially strawberry taffy. It’s not as good as Drumsticks–a taffy lolly I used to get in England–but I digress). When I’m hungry during the day I have a few pretzel sticks or something, or I don’t have anything at all.

In 2007, see, my weight hit 143 lbs. Yes, I know, for some women that looks great, but let me repeat that I’m barely 5’2, and very small-boned. I looked very round. Very round indeed. My features were distorted. I looked miserable, and I was miserable, and I got tired of wearing baggy t-shirts and having only one pair of jeans that fit me. So I started counting calories and making better choices, and by the time I was done in mid-2008, I’d lost 40 lbs.

Do I eat? Of course I eat. You have to eat to live. Do I get to eat whatever I want, whenever I want? No. I don’t. Neither do 99% of slim women, frankly. That’s a fact. It’s bad enough all the pressure on women to be thin, to be beautiful, to be perfect, to be sexy but not slutty, all that other stuff, without also adding the pressure that they should be able to have that perfect thin body without any effort, and that if they can’t stay thin while eating their weight in french fries there’s something wrong with them.

Not to mention, why, in determining that it’s necessary to show women eating–which is in itself kind of an insulting little thing to do, really–why choose burgers and fries? Why not a steak and baked potato? Why not some pasta? Why deliberately choose something extra fattening, that will make young women feel especially inadequate? If you want to set an example, why not have them sitting down to a really healthy meal? (Note: I honestly don’t think anything is wrong with burgers and fries as a meal, I don’t. I love them. I eat them probably once a week or once every couple of weeks, and my homemade burgers are delicious if I say so myself. But while I don’t think they’re the health disaster so many people do, I also don’t think they’re as good for you as fresh vegetables or leaner meats or whatever else, and I don’t see why, if you’re consciously setting out to set an example for young women, you wouldn’t want to set an example that shows them how to truly eat right).

We need to stop pretending that normal people are just naturally thin, and that no effort is required to maintain it. We need to stop pretending that our weight is something we have no control over, frankly, because that damages everyone (IMO). We need to stop sending the message, deliberately or not, that you are somehow inadequate if you can’t eat a plate of lard every day and not gain a pound. Oh, and you should be able to get up and run a marathon after, too.

Those super-skinny actresses are super-skinny, and they wolf down those burgers in interviews, because they probably haven’t eaten more than dry salad for a week preparing for that splurge. Being thin takes work. And you know what? It doesn’t look good on everyone, either. Certainly being super-skinny doesn’t. I always remember how pretty Laura Flynn-Boyle used to look before she became just leathery skin stretched over old bones.

If I had a different figure, I’d happily gain some weight. I would. I’m not a very curvy woman. I’m fairly straight-up-and-down; I don’t have a large bust, I don’t have a cushy, callipygian bottom. I am slight, petite in a word, and because of that every extra pound shows, and the only way I can feel comfortable and look good in my clothes is to be quite thin. If I was curvy, busty? Then I’d be happy to be curvy and busty, and I wouldn’t worry so much.

I don’t mean this post as The Personal History Of Stacia’s Weight, or as some kind of justification for my own appearance or anything else. All I mean it as is an attempt to be realistic, and to say something realistic to people. Yes, you can control your own weight, except in very rare cases. But yes, you do pay a price for that, and the price is food. Once you hit your goal weight you can relax a bit, sure, but you can never completely let yourself go (not to mention that after the first month or so your stomach shrinks and you just can’t eat as much anyway). Getting and staying thin is, for most of us, something we have to work at, not something that we can just tra-la-la through life not worrying about at all.

So why do we insist on lying to our young women about that? Why do we insist on making them believe that not only do they have to be thin, they have to be effortlessly thin? Yeah, I get the desire to keep them from becoming anorexic, but I believe that whether we’re honest or not about what it takes to maintain a certain weight, anorexia will still happen. I think it’s more dangerous to tell them there’s no connection between what they eat and their weight, personally, but that may be just me.

And yeah, all of this may be just me. But it’s my rant, too. I just think we put enough pressure on young women without adding another in the idea that they should be eating like hogs at every opportunity while still staying very thin and gorgeous and perfect. It’s time we were honest with young women, and everyone else, about how difficult it is to hold to those artificial and often harmful standards.

Or maybe we could just give up those ridiculous standards anyway? I know, I know, too much to hope for. Sigh.

I’m out of rant energy now.

11 comments to “Saturday Night Rant”

  1. Elizabeth
    · September 26th, 2010 at 3:48 am · Link

    I have the same experience with hair stylists: as soon as I find one I like, they leave and it’s impossible to find them again because the salon won’t tell you where they’ve gone and all I have is a first name to go on.

    I had my hair cut last week. (Shudder)

    Your weight rant is very true. I think it’s part of the fashion of “unnatural natural” we see these days: all these photos labelled: “Look! So-and-so with no make-up! Isn’t she stunning?” And anyone who has ever worn make-up knows she’s wearing some, but the young 12 and 13 year old girls (and you standard young male) don’t and think that level of perfection is not only attainable but usual. Same for all the starlets and their hair extensions.

    You are absolutely right about film showing people eating healthily. THAT kind of influence can only help the easily influenced.

  2. Zanthera
    · September 26th, 2010 at 3:59 am · Link

    First I have to say you absolutely made my day! I am so happy to know that even the sexy little hot mamas don’t get the hair cut they want. I am a big girl even when not fat.

    As for the weight you so hit it on the nose. One has to accept their body type and take care of it with healthy choices. It’s all relative and I can see how hard it is for the petite sort. You gain 5lbs and it looks like if I were to gain 30lbs.

    “The Personal History Of Staciaโ€™s Weight?” Nah, I don’t think so it’s just sometimes yourself is the best example you can give. You know it best and have permission.

    Just to give your rant another example I’m 5’7″ big boned and very muscular. My ideal weight is 155lbs. Dietitians got me losing weight with guilt trips with the scale saying I was 175lbs till I was 130lbs. I looked like a cadaver! My cheeks sunken in with a hue of purple to them. People thought I was sick. I gained back 25 lbs and when I saw the dietitian she “saw” how good I looked at 130lbs and told me to get on the scale for proper weighing in and she yelled at me for making her look like a fool that I was actually 155lbs. I was 16 at the time and just said screw them I look hot.

    Now after a pregnancy that temporarily “cured” my lactose intolerance and allowed me to catch up on all the French pastry I missed in the past 10 years at the time I’m 100lbs over weight. No one believes me anyways they say I can’t be more than 50lbs over weight. I hide it well. I’m very huggable and people can still get their arms around me easily.

    A lot of it is stress, psyche and self confidence. I know a lot of hot sexy plump women over flowing with confidence which makes them even more sexy. Media sucks.

  3. Missy Ann
    · September 26th, 2010 at 7:30 am · Link

    Find a guy with a European accent. When I did that all my hair problems were solved. ๐Ÿ˜‰

    And when I went to him (after a bout 18 months of seeing him) and said, cut it off. We talked for 5 minutes about what I was going for. Then he grabbed a handful, looked me in the eye – in the mirror- said “You sure darling?” I said yes and off came about 8 inches. I thought his shampoo girl was going to cry. lol

    When you find a stylist you like, give them your business card/or a paper with YOUR name and number when you tip them and ask them to please call you if they ever move salons.

    • Zanthera
      · September 26th, 2010 at 8:19 am · Link

      Oh I may try looking for a hairdresser now with that tip. I never thought about giving them my name and number.

  4. Amanda
    · September 26th, 2010 at 7:40 am · Link

    Good post, especially on the weight.

    I’m 5’4 and a half, and currently 195lbs. I’ve lost 51 lbs over the last two years and very proud I haven’t gained it back. I figured out that if I completely cut out certain foods, I fall off the wagon. So I eat those certain foods once or twice a month so I don’t overeat them down the road.

    I have curves, and I’d rather not lose them, so I just want to feel healthy instead of bogged down. Having gone down from a size 24 to a size 14, I’ve learned that the world can view me however they want and I don’t care anymore. I used to care a lot and I think it’s horrible for young women to be put under a microscope because of their weight. As if we women didn’t have enough to worry about…

  5. Lbomb
    · September 26th, 2010 at 9:49 am · Link

    here is my .02-

    When I was 10, the hair-cuttin’ lady, who coincidentally fits the excat description that Stace gave (we may have a clone situation), asked if I wanted my hair cut to look just like my sisters. I got excited, bounced around, yes..yes…yes! I should have been more specific because I walked out looking like Dorothy Hamill (yes the old school figure skater) and oddly enough also like my 2nd grade teacher Mrs. Henderson, but NOWHERE near David Lee Roth, which was my actual target.
    SO- I trust no one with scissors and some clever little strip mall shop with a name like “the wild hair” or “headhunters” or my personal fav, “Teased and Nailed With Love.”
    I decided long ago, never to walk in anyone’s…no WAIT… that’s not it. What I meant to say was I decided to grow it to long to be curled, permed, styled, colored or otherwise messed with except to trim and possibly braid.
    It made the hottie metal boys look my way and rendered the hair cuttin’ clone lady USELESS.
    The therapy needed as a result of the accidental hair bobbing went well…I’m happy to report I barely twitch and the facial palsy has resolved!

    I shall return to tackle the issue of unrealistic body images forced down, or up for that matter, our collective feminine orifices…orifici? nope, I was right the first time-

    Beware the burgundy clone!


  6. Leelee
    · September 26th, 2010 at 12:50 pm · Link

    Thank you so much for the weight rant. It made my day.

    As for the hair, at this point I always try to cut my own, it’s rare to find someone who can do what I want. I live in a small college town and my style is so not sorority girl.

    I haven’t lived in Atlanta for about a decade now, so my references are all gone. I asked around and here are a few you might wanna look into, depending on the area you live in.

    Good luck!


  7. Shiloh Walker
    · September 26th, 2010 at 8:39 pm · Link

    Geez, not only are you 5’2, you’re…well, delicate. And sorry, I’m not afraid of you, Stacia, so I’m okay with saying that. You especially look delicate compared to moi…who is so far from delicate it’s not even funny. ๐Ÿ˜‰

    It’s not just about body weight, but body type and that’s what a lot of people who go on mad weight loss binges believe. According to ‘some’ BMI scales, I should lose another 60 lbs-and I’d look like a refugee from a war camp if I did that. There’s no way I’d look healthy-not with my body type, not with my bone structure, there’s just no way.

    And people can be ‘fairly’ healthy and still be a little overweight-note I said ‘fairly’…too much weight just comes with sooooo many health risks.

    The problem with the obsession on weight is that society, and especially the media, puts the fricking focus on WEIGHT and IMAGE and not HEALTH. Which is where it needs to be.

    So… aside from all of that… did you get your hair cut? ๐Ÿ˜ˆ

  8. Lena
    · September 30th, 2010 at 6:37 pm · Link

    Hey I know I’m probably a little late for posting a reply to your blog post Stace.. But I felt that I needed to. Firstly, your new haircut looks fucking awesome!! I’ve always preferred short edgy hair
    And secondly.. My main reason for this reply.. I am small, 5’2″ and I TOTALLY understand what you have written! If I were a little taller, a curvy figure would defintely be flattering.. But on someone who is so small, it is not so much the case. You nailed it when you said that every pound shows when you’re short. I’m in the process of losing weight too.. Not to be stick thin, but to be comfortable in my own skin and self.. I put on a little weight the past year, went to a size 10/12.. But I wasn’t happy., I don’t want to be short and ‘fat’. Fuck I’m only 19! Haha.. But now I am a size 8 (UK size btw).. But that didn’t come easy.. I’ve had to give up my beloved snicker bars and crisps and cheesecakes.. And commit myself to a cereal in the morning and one good meal for the day and 20minute exercise. But like you said Stace, it takes a lot of work! Ok there are some people who naturally have a high metabolism and therefore skinny.. But for the majority of us, it takes a little motivation to reach your goal. Starving yourself does NOT help you lose weight.. It piles it on in fact.. Trust me, I’ve studied Biology at A-level ๐Ÿ˜‰
    Anyways.. A fantastic blog post.. And it has made me feel a little better about myself.. Because i am so insecure, and being small and petite is tough in this place.. But power to the little ones! Haha ๐Ÿ˜‰

  9. Marie
    · October 11th, 2010 at 5:45 pm · Link

    I am sooo late in commenting on this post, but I’d already written a comment without posting it, and it has just been sitting on my computer, so what the hell, here’s my comment anyway hehe.

    First – I kinda love your rants! :-)

    I actually got a haircut just last week, (well, not last week now of course, since it’s been a while since you posted this LOL) and it sort of looks like the haircut you want to get (which of course you’ve now already gotten, and may I say it looks amazing :D). The salon where I get my hair cut is in a very small town, but I think they’re very good at their job. I’ve gone to the same salon for a few years now, and I’m okay with how they cut, but what I love the most about them is that they don’t try to sell me some stupidly expensive shampoo or scold me for not taking care of my hair. Sometimes, because it is a small town, they’ve been a bit hesitant with my requests, but on the other hand I give them an opportunity to whip out hair colors they may not use otherwise. :-) One thing I don’t really like though, is when they talk me out of something I’d like to try because they think I would look better with another style. It’s one thing if I ask them, but sometimes I wish I would have said to them that I do want the hair color they think is too warm on me etc.
    My hair grows like crazy though, so I’m not that picky about how my hair is cut, because it grows back in a couple of months anyway.
    My problem right now is that I know that I look better in a short harcut, but I’m tired of that, and I don’t want to have to style it all the time. When I have longer hair, it’s naturally wavy, so I don’t have to do anything with it, but it doesn’t really suit my face. :S I want someone to tell me what to do with my hair! hahaha

    I loved the weight rant as well! I love that you shared that with us, and that you get so fired up about showing the truth. I’m definitely not petite in any way, even though I’m not very overweight. I’ve had periods where I’ve worked out, and when I’ve worked physically demanding jobs and I’ve lost weight. I’m okay with the weight I am now, but I would really love to be able to fit in some clothes. I want to be able to buy clothes form all kinds of places. (You know those places where they only have one-size-fits-all clothes? Yeah, right.)
    What I really loved when I weighed a little less than I do now, was that I felt more in control of my body in the way that I knew where all of it was, you know? I could easily slip inside a booth, or by a table without thinking about where all of me was, so I didnt knock anything down. That kind of control I miss.
    When I was at my lowest, I weighed what my best friend weighed when she was 8 months pregnant. But I think I’m like Shiloh; I can’t lose to much weight, because that would look weird on me. (Also, why do the boobs always disappear first and the fat butt, last?)

    Also, I just had to tell you that I was watching Oprah interviewing Tara Conner (Miss USA), and when she was talking about her abuse of prescription drugs I thought of Chess. She said she was taking pills, because heaven forbid she’d have a feeling, and when she was at her worst, she took 30 pills a day. Chess hasn’t really had the luxury of being able to feel, because she hasn’t had anyone (at least not permanently) that she felt like she could trust enough to be weak with. And of course with the horrible things she’s been through, it’s hard to say if it’s better to feel and then fall apart completely, or don’t feel anything and go on with your life. (If those are your only choices.)
    Those are just my thoughts. :-)

  10. Hamster Cages
    · November 17th, 2010 at 3:31 am · Link

    i really like to color my hair and i would love to try different hair colors specially auburn -:.


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