Well. Things totally do change, don’t they? I certainly have changed, and I will prove that now.
Over the weekend, the hubs and I were looking for something. We couldn’t find it. We tore the house apart hunting for it, and in the process came across a lot of old pictures and a stack of my old report cards from first, second, and third grade. At my elementary school, you got one of three grades, basically, and then there was a space for the teacher to write a comment.
You’ll see how very, very different I am. Maturity has taken me in its grip and made me its bitch.
This is another very photo-heavy post.
So. The grades go:
C = Commendable
S = Satsfactory
I = Improvement Needed
(Yes, that is me. I was adorable.)
Now. Each year has two semesters; each semester has two quarters, for a total of four. Report cards are issued once per quarter, which makes four a year. I’m only going to excerpt the fun ones. Because it’s all about fun, right?
So. Let’s start with first grade, shall we? And you can see how very, very different things are today. As I said, the teachers could write comments, and I think it’s in the comments that we find the most informative aspect of the report cards (not to mention they made the hubs literally cry with laughter, but whatever):
Short-fused? Impatient? ME? SHOCKING!
Now, that’s just unfair, isn’t it? “Shows temper?” “Talks a great deal?” “Improvement Needed” in “Practices Self-control?” Fie, Mrs. P! I’m glad I no longer exhibit that sort of behavior.
My second grade report cards are full of riches. More testament to how very much I’ve changed:
Distracts the class by being silly, my ass! And how exactly is that not “showing a positive attitude?” If the class is amused, that seems positive to me, right? I never had a negative attitude in my whole damn life.
It’s not all bad, though:
From the second quarter, we have:
“Improvement Needed” in exhibiting courtesy and accepting criticism? “Often pouts and cries when things aren’t going her way?” I think Mrs. S had me confused with someone else. (Although my academic strength being reading does indeed sound accurate.)
Then we once again have issues with my attitude in music class. I guess I wasn’t sufficiently happy to be writing letters to Liesl Von Trapp (yes, that was a class project) or singing “You’re A Grand Old Flag” for the millionth time:
Oh, and here we go with the “Doesn’t work well with others.” Blah blah blah. And I ask you, who does like to make corrections on their papers?
Now we have third grade. Another Mrs. S., but a different one. I didn’t like her and she didn’t like me. You can see her clear bias reflected in these outrageous lies. Lies, I tell you!
As if I’m not aware of other people’s feelings!
“Needs to try harder” at practicing sportsmanship? “Likes extra attention?” Pure libel.
My attitude Needs Improvement? My attitude is just fine, thank you. Maybe it’s your attitude that needs changing, did you ever think of that?
And this is the last one; unfortunately I don’t have any report cards from after third quarter of third grade. But this one is, though not my favorite, one I do find especially pleasing:
“Enjoys writing stories.” Well, there you go.