What Stace had to say on Monday, March 21st, 2011
Keep your tongue where it belongs!

I was updating my FAQ a little while ago and wanted to link to the Polish editions of the Demons books on Amber Publishing’s website. And guess what I found? The Downside books are available in a boxed set over there! How cool is that? (Google translate tells me the wording at the top is “STACII KANE in a Box.” Which makes me think of the end of the movie SEVEN. Eek.)

Anyway, I was excited to see it, so there you go. Also, it occurs to me that I haven’t really updated the FAQ in a while, so if you have any questions you want in there, please ask them! (I did remember to add “How do you pronounce “Cesaria?” because I do get asked that fairly often.)

So. I saw something yesterday that reminded me of this; I’d ranted about it a bit on Twitter one night but not in a post here. You know what I really dislike? I really dislike kissing scenes in books where at any point one character “runs his/her tongue” over the other person’s lips. Eeeew. I don’t want my mouth licked, thank you. It tickles, and it feels slobbery.

I asked about this on Twitter and one of my pals there said he’d once dated a girl who really, really liked it. I think she’s an anomaly, since I’ve never known anyone else who did. And yet, this happens all the time in books. Why? It’s such a weird thing to do! Especially before that very first kiss, at least I think so. The lip-licking makes me think of a snake. Or a dog. It doesn’t make me think of sexy times.

There are plenty of places on the human body where tongues are welcome (that’s what she said, yeah, ha ha). But having the outside of my mouth licked just feels like the guy has bad aim, or like he’s trying to figure out if I’m something edible or a rock, or maybe like he’s seen way too many movies and thus will probably try to pull all those slick moves that look erotic but aren’t at all, and thus will bore me to death before anything actually happens.

I don’t want tongues inside my ears, either. In fact, I don’t want anything inside my ears. Not even air gently blown.

So…who is it out there who likes this, and keeps sticking it in books? It’s kind of like how someone got the idea that it felt good to have the cervix banged into, and for a while there were tons of books where men were banging into cervixes and that was driving the women wild. Um, actually, that hurts every woman I know. (But I confess, even I wrote it; I can’t remember what book it was in, but I did write it. Mainly because it seemed like it was in every book so I started wondering if maybe it was just me who found it painful, and everyone else loved it. It wasn’t until I had the guts to ask around that I discovered no, it hurts pretty much all women. I don’t remember if it stayed to publication or not.)

Anything you see in books and don’t “get?” How do you feel about the lip-licking thing? Got any questions you’d like put in my FAQ?

To-do update:

Finish Downside 5 (just over 50k now)
more words on New Project
possible exciting new Downside thing I can’t discuss yet
erotic novella (not yet started)
Demons novella (not yet started)

17 comments to “Keep your tongue where it belongs!”

  1. Laura Bickle
    · March 21st, 2011 at 12:34 pm · Link

    Yeah. Lip-licking does not make me think of sexy-time, either. But maybe there is a market for it…I’m thinking of all the flavored lip gloss sold?

    And I’m with you on the tongue in the ear canal thing. makes me think of Star Trek: The Wrath of Khan.

    • Stace
      · March 22nd, 2011 at 12:16 pm · Link

      Hahahaha! Is his tongue going to latch onto your brainstem?

      Who can say for sure it won’t, right?

  2. Amy Ashley
    · March 21st, 2011 at 12:36 pm · Link

    I HATE the lip licking. Don’t like slobbery kisses either because it feels like I am being drooled on. Licking in other spots is cool. inside my ears NO. That’s like a wet willy!

    Cervical banging is okay if it is done right. Most of the time I’d venture a guess that it’s not. I married a guy that’s more generously endowed than he needed to be, so we had to work around it. It’s ended up being nice.

    I think sex scenes in books have lots of stuff that is LAME but gets trendy. In real life I don’t do that! I wish it were more like actual sex: goofy, messy, sweaty, fast, and thrilling. And silly. Lots more silly than “sexy.” 😛

  3. Amy Ashley
    · March 21st, 2011 at 12:37 pm · Link

    OMG, Kahn has been on my mind recently. Now I will be on a trip over those stupid parasites all week! LOL

  4. BernardL
    · March 21st, 2011 at 1:58 pm · Link

    That one’s a mystery to me as well, Stace, and I’ve been around the block a few times. I think feather-soft brushing of the lips together with bodies just barely grazing each other is an erotic vision… but licking around the mouth… ah no. :)

  5. Lauren (aka, Empress Awesome)
    · March 21st, 2011 at 2:04 pm · Link

    I’ve never been lip licked before. I’ve done it as a joke, and my boyfriend hated it. So yeah, I’m not getting where the “Lip lollipops are so sexy,” idea is coming from. I kind of like the breath-in-ear thing, though– it’s like a fake-out, distracting you so you don’t expect whatever awesome thing is coming next.

  6. Bridget
    · March 21st, 2011 at 2:48 pm · Link

    Yeah, I think the only one who’s ever gotten away with licking my lips is my old chocolate lab. And he didn’t mind too much when I wiped my mouth after, which really doesn’t go over all that well with humans. The wet willy thing isn’t cool, either. *shivers*

    Hmmm…I think the thing I just don’t get is sex against the wall. But it’s definitely fun to read! Maybe I am wicked clumsy, but all the romance heroines seem to have much better luck and grace (and perhaps better kegels) and aren’t the least bit worried about getting a closed head injury.

  7. lexcade
    · March 21st, 2011 at 3:29 pm · Link

    i was wondering when this post was gonna pop up. 😉

  8. Betsy Dornbusch
    · March 21st, 2011 at 7:28 pm · Link

    In a certain frame of mind, yeah, I could dig the licking thing. Ears, same. But it’s a rare mood.

    My last book had sex against a wall and it made me laugh. Granted, they were on a space ship. There wasn’t a lot of other places to have sex. But still…no. Never have enjoyed it.

  9. siebendach
    · March 21st, 2011 at 8:33 pm · Link

    You know what I’ve never understood the appeal of reading about? Sex on a table.

    It just doesn’t ring true, unless the table is gigantic or the parties are very slow and careful . . . and somehow this is never the case

  10. Katie
    · March 21st, 2011 at 10:39 pm · Link

    Stacia, the replies to this were nearly as funny as your post! Thanks to everyone I needed the laugh today.
    Licking the lip, no it tickles too bad, cervix pounding…uh…I take the 5th lest I have to admit my kink and congrats to those with a manly man who can reach it. Wet willy’s? for the love, no way there’s EAR WAX in there for Christ’s sake, erp!

  11. Elishia
    · March 22nd, 2011 at 8:18 am · Link

    Sloppy kisses… blah!

    I have tiny lips =(
    and my SO has nice plump lips.

    This leads me to be getting drooled all over.. and I don’t like it!
    but I won’t stop kissing him =X

    and I loveeee seeing that you have more projects coming up!!!!

  12. midnightblooms
    · March 22nd, 2011 at 8:51 am · Link

    Oh man, I just said “Thank God, I’m not the only one!” out loud at work, and had to totally make something up for a colleague walking past my door. *blushes*

  13. Lia
    · March 22nd, 2011 at 10:39 am · Link

    Behold, I give you Se7en: The Musical. http://www.jonandal.com/audio_songs/Box.mp3

    • Stace
      · March 22nd, 2011 at 12:17 pm · Link

      *buries face in hands, shakes head*

      Oh, Lia…why am I not surprised you’re the one who gave me this link?

      That’s just…I don’t think there are words for that.

  14. Carrie
    · March 25th, 2011 at 5:49 am · Link

    I don’t want to be licked anywhere on, or near, my face. That’s just… -shudders-

    That was the thing I never understood about LL Cool J. The man is hot, I’m not disagreeing with that (NCIS: LA anyone?), but if I had to hear one more person talk about how him licking his lips all the time was so freaking sexy, I was going to puke. D:

    A friend of mine in college blew, not in, but ON (like the shell part) my ear once while we were walking to class, as a demonstration of something her boyfriend did the night before. I about fell on the ground, my knees just gave out lol.

  15. Candy York
    · March 29th, 2011 at 7:56 am · Link

    Ear lobes are fine, blowing in the ear makes me have a knee jerk reaction as my SO found out when he did it, my head automatically jerked to one side and I head butted him – don’t think that would make a very good sex scene as it really hurt. And to all the men out there reading this (by chance or by design) – softly does it for the female, anything that can be described bby the word slamming is NEVER good. Just bought your “strumpet” book on Kindle – very cool, gotta love instant reading!

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