What Stace had to say on Friday, March 2nd, 2012
Heroes and, ahem, “self-love”

I’m curious.

This is something I’ve wondered about for a while–a long while, actually–and a discussion elsewhere has finally prompted me to go ahead and ask. (I want to emphasize that this is all just hypothetical/what ifs/conjecture; I’m not strictly endorsing any of these ideas, just thinking aloud and providing talking points.)

How do we all feel about heroes who masturbate? Especially when thinking of the heroine?

It’s not something we see often, is it? Which is kind of funny, actually; I think this is maybe one place where female sexuality is permitted more expression, because it’s not uncommon to see female MCs engage in a little solo play, but it is–to my knowledge–quite uncommon to see men do it, especially to see them do it to completion. I’ve read a couple of books where the hero perhaps starts to do it, but then realizes what he’s doing and stops himself, for various reasons (“What I’m doing is disrespectful to her/I’m too grown up to do this,” that sort of thing).

Are men just supposed to have more “control” over themselves/their desires, or are they simply supposed to want to only share sexual experiences with the heroine and if she’s not there it’s empty? Is having control over his sexual needs to the point of being able to sublimate them completely another way that the hero becomes the ubermensch: extra strong, extra smart, extra brave, extra controlled? Is he supposed to be so devoted to his heroine that he refuses to or just doesn’t want to have any kind of sexual feelings or release unless she’s involved?

Maybe we just don’t find the mental image of the hero having to wipe off his stomach or rinse the shower walls or whatever afterward to be all that sexy? I mean, even if we find the act arousing/interesting/understandable, thinking about him messing about with a handful of sticky tissues after just…maybe feels a little “teenage boy,” or just a little silly or embarrassing or whatever. Or perhaps it’s because of the porn money shot, which seems to appeal to men much more than women (I’m not saying it absolutely does, just that it seems to be aimed [no pun intended] at men; to my [admittedly sketchy] knowledge, many of the porn films put out by all-female or female-run production companies, or aimed specifically at the female audience, don’t tend to depict the money shot with such vigor and focus and don’t tend to focus so much on “Look! Semen!” as the ultimate sexy sexiness). I mean, again, female masturbation is depicted maybe not regularly, but certainly more often than male, and there’s generally little cleaning up to do after; most women don’t have to check the walls or furniture to make sure no stray fluids shot over there. (Yes, I know about Rainwoman, but she’s hardly the norm.)

Is there something just sort of inherently non-heroic–inherently sad, embarrassing, or pitiful, even–about thinking of the hero all by himself with a head full of fantasies and a bottle of lotion, or something?

Do we perhaps expect him to sate those desires by sleeping with some other woman, and isn’t that sort of worse, really–using some other chick’s body while in his head he’s banging the heroine? Does it change if he feels guilty about it, or doesn’t intend to use the other woman in that way but realizes midway through that he’s pretending she’s someone else?

It just seems to me that, while I would never say “all men masturbate*,” I’m sure a healthy proportion of them do at least occasionally. I find it hard to believe that NO hero in any novel which involves a sexual/romantic relationship ever finds himself trying to sleep one night with a body that absolutely refuses to let him, or finds himself practically unable to walk, especially in those early stages where he’s obsessed/consumed/whatever and is practically a walking hormone. And yet while it’s often considered sexy for the heroine to masturbate thinking of the hero, we almost never see the hero do it (again, from my reading; I freely admit I don’t read very much romance/erotic romance these days if any, so there may well have been a revolution in male masturbation in the last few years). Like I said, I did read it a few times, but the hero never went on to orgasm without the heroine’s actual involvement, i.e. she caught him at it and encouraged him to continue, perhaps lending him a helping hand, or, you know, a helping vagina. (Here, let me loan you this vagina. It’s the helpful sort. Hee.)

Does it feel objectifying, like he’s reducing her to mere jerk-off fodder in his head? Especially if their relationship isn’t yet sexual, does it seem almost like he’s mentally molesting her–taking what he wants without permission, mentally “having” her even if she hasn’t given him permission to do so yet in real life?

Is it maybe that in the world of novels aimed more toward women, with a female audience, men are the ones whose sexuality shouldn’t/doesn’t exist outside female involvement? We’ve all had the uncomfortable sensation of being undressed by a man’s eyes without our permission, so maybe it’s just not something we want to think of a man doing without our knowledge. Or are women simply more uncomfortable with the idea of masturbation in general? I’ve known more than a few women for whom the idea of their boyfriends/husbands watching porn or masturbating is very uncomfortable, even upsetting. So is the idea that the hero shouldn’t be masturbating related to that, or an extension of that, or even a perpetuation of that?

Do we simply not want to write male sexual fantasies? We live surrounded by them; male sexual fantasies are everywhere. Maybe we just don’t want them in our fiction; maybe we want books aimed at women to be about female sexual fantasies, if there are any fantasies being shown, and men can keep theirs to themselves (or, you know, out in popular culture where they are now.)

What do you think? Do you want to read that, or not? Why, if you’re comfortable sharing? Would you feel differently about a male character shown masturbating? What about the “starts to but then realizes he’s doing something wrong” idea/scene? Is the hero masturbating sexy and a sign of how badly he wants the heroine, or is it distasteful or a turn-off? Why? Do you agree or disagree with any of my conjecture?

*I personally dislike the broad assumption that all men or all women masturbate but just refuse to admit it, and that if someone denies it they’re automatically lying. Making such assumptions about the sexual expressions of other people strikes me as rather rude, and taking their denial as a sign that they’re liars just ashamed to admit it is especially rude. Sure, perhaps some people who say they don’t are lying, but I find it hard to believe that no one is being truthful when they say they don’t. There are indeed people who just don’t, for whatever reason, and that’s just as fine and valid as being someone who does.

ETA: Let’s assume for the sake of the discussion that there is a way for the masturbation scene to advance story, plot, and/or character, okay? Obviously we all know that sex-for-sex’s-sake is unnecessary, and I’ve written more than once about that subject here. I’m not so much interested in structure and whether or not the scene fits as in how people feel about those scenes and whether or not they’re sexy/unappealing/whatever, or whether people think another way should be found to advance story/plot/character that doesn’t involve masturbation.

37 comments to “Heroes and, ahem, “self-love””

  1. Carrie Clevenger
    · March 2nd, 2012 at 8:07 am · Link

    I recently wrote just this thing in a WIP. To me, it seems natural that a male would start thinking of a woman he was attracted to and possibly fantasize. They are saddled with the “all men think about is sex,” right? So why wouldn’t he wank off?
    Then again, may as well ask why characters don’t have bathroom issues, or pick their nose, or other private things.

    But to me, self-love is natural. Even for a man. Possibly kind of hot.

  2. Kiwi
    · March 2nd, 2012 at 8:10 am · Link

    I love scenes like that, though they are rare. Admittedly, I’d rather a fade-to-black when the man is finished, I don’t love the nitty-gritty detail of cleaning up and the like.

    It is sexy though, I wouldn’t mind seeing more of it. It’s not objectifying, I don’t think, though I can see how the issue would become tricky if he hasn’t yet had sex with the object of his desire. I suppose a way around that would be if he wasn’t imagining doing anything *to* her, but rather imagining her as she is, clothed and sexy in a not overt way.

    Not that I’d have a problem with him mentally undressing her. I like those scenes, always have.

    There’s a shedload of masturbation scenes in M/M romance/erotica, which would seem natural enough, but if it’s not objectification for a man to masturbate while thinking about another man, or a woman to do so while thinking about a man, why would it be objectification for a man to masturbate while thinking about a woman?

    • Anne Lyle
      · March 2nd, 2012 at 8:36 am · Link

      I don’t write romance per se (though there’s a strong romance subplot in my current trilogy), but for me the question with any love scene, including – ahem – self-love, is “what does it add to the story?”

      Sometimes I fade to black, sometimes I stay with the characters for as long as it takes, but it’s always about the story, not the sex. Does showing the hero masturbating tell the reader anything she didn’t know about him before? If not, I’d leave it out.

      I think the nearest I’ve got so far is to have my hero walk somewhat stiffly away from a chaste but intense romantic encounter 😆

  3. Betsy Dornbusch
    · March 2nd, 2012 at 8:22 am · Link

    I guess I feel about it like I feel about any scene: what does it add to the story?

    I don’t have my characters go to the bathroom because it doesn’t add anything to the story (unless, I guess, they were sick or something and that was part of it). So sure, a guy can wank off in a story and I’d think nothing of it as long as it’s not gratuitous. As far as clean-up goes, that’s what my friend calls “walking the dog” (meaning you go through every detail about getting the leash, snapping it on, making him sit while you get your coat when you could just say “I took the dog on a walk.”) If clean up adds to the story, like he’s a murderer who wanks over the body and then misses some, or maybe it’s for humorous reasons or tension or something, then cool. Otherwise, why add it? Story first, I say.

  4. Arthemise
    · March 2nd, 2012 at 8:24 am · Link

    Given the libido that men usually have in these books, I find it hard to believe they wouldn’t masturbate. I personally find it very hot to read about, so I don’t know why authors back off. I think you may be on to something with the “money shot.” If authors give it away too soon, maybe it will diminish the moment the characters actually do get together. I don’t think that’s true, though, if an author is skillful.

    I don’t remember reading many women that masturbate either, even when the guy gets her all hot and bothered. I’m tired of reading of women who orgasm for the first time in her life with the hero. If a woman doesn’t know what gets her off, the guy probably won’t have a clue either. Romance is a fantasy, I guess, so it would be anticlimactic (ha!) if the woman can’t achieve orgasm the first time. And speaking of orgasm, why does the woman only get one or two? Is it that unusual to get five or six in one go?

    • Stace
      · March 2nd, 2012 at 9:02 am · Link

      Lol, Arthemise, for a lot of women in real life it’s unusual to even get one, much less five or six.

      • Arthemise
        · March 2nd, 2012 at 9:22 am · Link

        Seriously? Oops, my bad.

      • Arthemise
        · March 2nd, 2012 at 9:40 am · Link

        I Googled it, and now I feel like an idiot. 😳

      • Kathleen Pitts
        · March 4th, 2012 at 1:45 pm · Link

        Don’t feel stupid, feel lucky! :mrgreen:

  5. Kai Charles
    · March 2nd, 2012 at 8:36 am · Link

    Interesting topic! I can think of only one book where A man engaged in a little self love while thinking of a woman he loved. It wasn’t offensive at all. If it fit well in the story and seemed true to the character I wouldnt mind reading it :)

  6. M.L. Companion
    · March 2nd, 2012 at 8:38 am · Link

    I personally think self love is pretty hot. There’s a lot of speculation regarding the motivations, but in general it’s just human nature. I think when a hero meets a heroine and nothing sexual happens during the beginning/budding relationship – there’s a very real possibility either person will self pleasure. I know this happens in real life….why not in books? It brings the book to a whole new/personal level with me. I feel like I’m seeing deeper into the characters psyche. Sharing a more intimate moment with just me. hehehe.

  7. Sophia McDougall
    · March 2nd, 2012 at 8:43 am · Link

    Oh dear, I just realised how much slash fanfiction I read, in which “hero thinking of his beloved while masturbating” happens all the time. Sometimes in an “ooh, look at this, hot for its own sake” way, sometimes more in an “obviously he’d had fantasies when touching himself but NEVER HAD HE DREAMED IT WOULD ACTUALLY BE HAPPENING!!” way.

    I don’t for the most part want to read much about masturbation — like using the lavatory and brushing teeth, I assume it’s a need the characters, male and female, are taking care of as necessary off-page. But written as you describe — part of a hero working out how he feels and as extra dimensionality to the attraction — sure. I don’t like the idea of him “realising he’s doing something wrong” because I don’t see how he is. Maybe feeling he’d better stop because he doesn’t want to let the heroine know how he feels and is worried he’ll act awkwardly around her if he doesn’t clamp down these feelings RIGHT NOW. I certainly wouldn’t think it demeaning, unless he was thinking about doing something unpleasant to the heroine.

    I’d probably want to be more in the hero’s head and watching the thoughts and feelings, than outside, ah, watching the show.

  8. k reads
    · March 2nd, 2012 at 9:24 am · Link

    Although I haven’t kept a list, I feel like I have read an equal amount of books that feature masturbation by either the heroine or the hero. Which is not to say that there have been a lot but I haven’t found it to more commonly occur with the heroine.

    But I have read even more books where the MCs are all worked up over the object of their desire and deal with it by taking a cold shower… which I never understood. It seems more believable to me that they would take themselves in hand. When they don’t, it effects how I view the character. (For example, when a hero who is supposed to be a super hot sex-machine chooses repression over release, that says something to me about the kind of character he is.)

    Then there are the books where the MCs get all hot and heavy but are forced to stop because there is no birth control available which makes me wonder why they don’t use a non-penetrative way to get each other off. There are lots of ways to do that without risk. But that’s another issue.

  9. David Bridger
    · March 2nd, 2012 at 10:06 am · Link

    I don’t mind, so long as he doesn’t sing “I have a little bit of tissue on my knob” to the tune of Bohemian Rhapsody. I hate it when they do that. 😀

  10. midnightblooms
    · March 2nd, 2012 at 10:13 am · Link

    I think the exclusion of male masturbation scenes is the result of several factors.

    Romance novels are aimed primarily at women and their fantasies, desires, etc. The heroine being simultaneously an object of desire and respect to the hero is one of the most common concepts found in romance novels. (There are variations, but this is very nearly a requirement for true love to happen.)

    (‘Fess up. How many heard that as “twu wuv”? 😛 )

    Having a guy masturbate while thinking about a woman can be on par with him leering at her. Creeps are bad enough in real life. Most women don’t want them in their fantasies as well, so female masturbation would be more common in this instance. The idea that he would start and then stop (for whatever reason) plays into this. His pleasure is secondary to hers. (After all, we are the star in our own fantasies.)

    (That’s not to say that all women feel this way about masturbation, or that a guy masturbating while thinking about a woman he is attracted to is creepy. I personally think what is fine for the goose is fine for the gander and visa versa. Double standards are bad. We can’t demand equality and then say “oh, but I can do this and you can’t.” But we aren’t discussing real life here. Because it isn’t real, we can do what we want.)

    While I fully believe male masturbation is hot and sexy when done properly, and can add and/or build tension in a story in several ways. I think ultimately, for me, the answer is what Betsy Dornbusch wrote in her comment above, “what does it add to the story?”

  11. Beth
    · March 2nd, 2012 at 10:21 am · Link

    I don’t know. I think the idea of a man masturbating while thinking of the woman he loves (or at least lusts after) is pretty hot. Male desire is a huge turn on for me!

    That said, I wonder if the reason for the lack of male masturbation in romance to do with the assumption of its commonality. *Of course* men masturbate, or so we assume. When I’ve seen women masturbating in romance (which, in my experience, has also been pretty rare), it’s usually related to the discovery of their own sexuality. Maybe they’re virgins, or maybe they’ve just been having mediocre sex, but when I’ve seen female masturbation it’s always been, “I’ve never felt this way before” and all that.

    (And why *is* that, by the way? Why are so many heroines, in a genre written and read primarily by females, depicted as either virginial or sexually unsatisfied until the hero gets there?)

  12. k reads
    · March 2nd, 2012 at 10:30 am · Link

    I think that the question – does it take away from the story? – if masturbation is left out also needs to be asked.
    Because for me, sometimes it does.

  13. Laura
    · March 2nd, 2012 at 11:08 am · Link

    I agree with several previous comments, in the right settings, it can be hot. But it does have to add to the story. Like, if the hero has to release some tension, and soon, because he has to complete some task with the heroine, and he doesn’t think he could keep his hands off her, or he would be distracted and he will need all his focus for *fill in the task here* and she is on her way to pick him up, and ohmygod she will be here any minute … That would totally make sense.

    The whole cold shower thing is silly. How many people really do that when they have other options?

  14. Miss Bliss
    · March 2nd, 2012 at 11:34 am · Link

    Well it certainly seems that most of the commenters here actually sort of miss the masturbation aspect of the characters personality. I have to say I do as well. I have thought about this more than once not only in terms of the solo experience for the Hero or Heroine but also in terms of a way for them have sex with each other that is a bit different. I don’t think there is anything inherently creepy about masturbation whether it’s a female or male character. I think anything CAN be creepy…but we don’t have a lot of representations in our culture of straight, hot, healthy, fun, loving masturbation. So I say…bring it on. I’d love to see not only a scene where Terrible jerks off fantasizing about Chess (and vice versa) but I’d love to see them doing that to each other. Not only because it sounds wonderfully hot but also because I know that you as a writer could find a way to make it have meaning within the scope of the characters and story while bringing a deeper layer of reality to these characters and their lives.

  15. Carien
    · March 2nd, 2012 at 12:32 pm · Link

    I target have the hero masturbate than having sex with other women.
    And it can be really hot: there’s a scene in Midnight by Ellen Connor where the hero masturbates and the heroïne is secretly watching him. Love that scene.

  16. Alan Morgan
    · March 2nd, 2012 at 3:27 pm · Link

    I’ve been reading more YA lately myself, so that’s definitely not a focus, heh. But I know male masturbation is definitely something that JR Ward has done in a few of her books, and it certainly isnt a detractor. I think I’ve seen it elsewhere as well, but the Black Dagger Brotherhood is the scene that jumps to mind first on this subject.

  17. Layla Messner
    · March 2nd, 2012 at 4:04 pm · Link

    Your posts are so entertaining, Stacia. I love your blog :). & I think you raise some excellent points/questions. I haven’t seen much hero masturbation either, but I say, bring it on. I suppose the hero refusing to take matters into his own hands can be sexy, depending on the story, but so could the other way.

  18. Miss Vain
    · March 2nd, 2012 at 4:53 pm · Link

    Lol!! I laugh Everytime I read one of your post so thank you for that!! 😉 I love the part of the clean up descriptions!! HA!!

    You know what, if you’re referring to Terrible masterbating while thinking about Chess I say bring it!! Should I be ashamed to say that the idea of me reading him masterbatung would be a turn on?? ……I like the idea a whole lot better than the hero cheating while “thinking” about the heroine.

  19. AMac
    · March 2nd, 2012 at 5:13 pm · Link

    Like anything sexual, it depends how it’s handled. (Ha! No pun intended…) In general though, I’m fine with it.

  20. moonlightwriter
    · March 3rd, 2012 at 1:31 pm · Link

    first of all..I found your blog by your book ‘Be A Sex-Writing sTrumpt’ or in my case, no S needed (if I can too my own horn). Good book, thanks!

    on topic…it’s interesting to me so many of the replies are ‘if it fits the story’ without asking, ‘why does it seem to fit the story more if women do then men?’

    because in reality, male masturbation is very much alive and well.

    Besides the respect aspect of romance (good albeit boring point, why ISN’T it respectful to be that turned on?)… how about in Romance like real Life the woman is often the one to control the gate as it were. To say yes, or no. Women often seem shocked if a man that says no, while reserving that right to themselves. So… a woman masturbation scene could be just a foreshadowing of ‘yes’.. it adds to the plot? A man masturbating is stating the obvious as if he had a choice to begin with.


  21. Amy Ashley
    · March 3rd, 2012 at 3:09 pm · Link

    I’m wondering if the lack if it is just reluctance in the part of authors. I know so many who hate doing sex scenes in general, and masturbation is a totally different aspect. It would have to be a bit like taking a dump. I mean do you have to have it in there? Because it’s basic and primal and you’d need to get it just right or a reader might get hung up on the clean-up aspect. I think if it fits it’s fine.

    I personally could care less about sex in my reading unless there is a darn good purpose. I find chemistry almost more intense in all the things around the act than it is in the act itself, but it does depend on the book and the characters.

    I have to check out what Carien mentioned! Something like that sounds very well placed.

  22. Allison
    · March 3rd, 2012 at 3:38 pm · Link

    I would like to see more of these types of scenes. Of course the intent behind the scene and the way it is written affects whether it comes across as hot or creepy. But the act itself, to me, is very sexy and would be welcome more than I see it now.

  23. Eedamme
    · March 4th, 2012 at 1:18 am · Link

    Interesting point. I haven’t seen it come up too often but I also don’t read too much in the erotica/romance genres. When I have seen the hero-releases-some-tension scene, though, it has sometimes gone one way and been very sexy and sometimes gone the other way and been kind of gross or disturbing. I think this is partly because of context, partly because of the writer’s skill, and partly because of the hero’s own reaction to it. If, as has been suggested, the hero stops halfway through, ashamed of himself and his objectification of his love interest, then the reader feels like it was a shameful and dirty thing as well. But if the hero is comfortable with his sexuality and with the act, if he finds it sexy, and if he is thinking of the heroine in terms that aren’t offensive and degrading (even if they aren’t romantic at this point) then the scene feels fine. Sometimes it can be unbelievably sexy, especially if the hero is usually very reserved or self-possessed, but then again also if he is fun-loving and doesn’t take himself too seriously—I guess it really doesn’t matter. I recently read a scene where the hero fell on his arse and made an idiot out of himself and I thought I would like him less for it, but because he laughed at himself and handled it well I liked him more. It’s his attitude that makes the difference.

    I think you have a point, too, Stacia that we don’t want to see the hero in some teenage boy, loss-of-control predicament. We don’t want to see him “unmanned” unless the heroine is there to do the unmanning. And that, in my opinion, is a whopping great double standard. So what if the fiction is about female fantasy and female desire? We don’t like to see the same disregard in male fantasies either. If female fantasy disregards or disparages the reality of male sexuality then it is no better than male-oriented pornography that does the same thing. Fiction does a lot to shape our perceptions of the world around us, of what is desirable in other people and ourselves and what is not. Should we be constantly crafting and admiring the completely self-possessed, controlled, alpha-male hero at the expense of his more fallible, self-pleasuring alter ego? I for one would like to see heroes with a little more depth and a few more flaws—flaws that are less easily forgivable than, say his over-protective instinct towards his woman (which actually I find pretty revolting when I read it). Heroes more like, dare I say it, Terrible …? And if this hero can pull off (so to speak) a sexy self-pleasuring scene, well I say more power to him!

  24. Mona Leigh
    · March 4th, 2012 at 8:42 am · Link

    I’ve seen it addressed a time or two recently. I think one reason we don’t see it more often is because many writers don’t feel comfortable rhapsodizing about male masturbation. There’s definitely an art to it.

    I think it can be extremely hot when portrayed properly, i.e., beginning slowly, intensely, and progressing to completion without making him sound like a 13 year old horn dog. He must have the mannerism of a grown man.

  25. Kathleen Pitts
    · March 4th, 2012 at 2:01 pm · Link

    So funny, I just read such a scene the other day by Meljean Brooke. It was very well done. I read a lot of hetero fan fiction and you see it way more often there. That tells me that readers enjoy it – when done well, of course.

  26. Cherie
    · March 4th, 2012 at 5:18 pm · Link

    I love this topic, l mean come on (sorry no pun intended) it has always been a thing that alot of people have a hard time discussing I even know people that would be horrified to read it in a book. I think the main reason being that we don’t see it alot in this particular genre is that they are written from the heroines perspective so unless she catches the hero in the act it’s not something that crops up much, someone wrote about the Black Dagger Brotherhood earier which I have read but it is written from both the female and the males perspective so J R Ward has the oppotunity to involve male masturbation. Look for me personally if it fits into the story I have no problem with it and if written well can be extremely hot. In saying that if you feel the urge to involve a scene in and upcoming book involving Terrible masturbating I think I would be a very happy girl.

  27. Shiloh Walker
    · March 5th, 2012 at 7:29 pm · Link

    It doesn’t bother me any… *G* I’ve been known to write it and if I’m reading it? Well, as long as the author can write the scene well, I think it’s hot.

  28. The Book Nympho
    · March 6th, 2012 at 2:01 pm · Link

    I think a scene with the hero masturbating is sexy as hell. I can’t remember what the book was but I remember a scene where the hero did it to completion in the shower.

    What grosses me out is when I’m reading an erotic book and it talks about the woman’s wetness and how it runs down her legs and crap like that. Personal I’ve NEVER had that problem. Eew. And it’s hard for me to remember a book that didn’t describe a woman’s wetness for a man not be that sloppy in an erotic book.

    I would rather read about a man waking off than a woman having fluids run down her leg before she has even had sex.

    • moonlightwriter
      · March 6th, 2012 at 2:09 pm · Link

      What is intriguing about all this is just how much our own personal experience colors our view of erotica (I guess that’s a huge duh), but I find the two examples in this post striking, from the view that a woman is lucky to have one orgasm so why write about multiples, to this comment about never having gotten that wet… (my lover does and I find it sexy)…

      leaving one to wonder just how does one write erotica that someone won’t go ewwwwww to LOL

  29. tina
    · March 6th, 2012 at 11:48 pm · Link

    I find male masturbation sexy. I’ve often wondered why I haven’t read it more often.

  30. Lege Artis
    · March 7th, 2012 at 4:43 pm · Link

    I’m cool with it… It can be done tastefull and sexy. I’m even cool with after cleaning. What I’m not cool with is calling semen some icky name that no man would ever use.Like some edible analogies and such…

  31. Samantha
    · June 14th, 2012 at 10:09 pm · Link

    Great question! I agree, it is really rare – and that is confusing. I wonder if it is because we are so aware of it in real life – guys start it and girls start hearing about it when we are pretty young and we seem to be comfortable with the assumption that they are all doing it all the time – perhaps it has become so accepted that the details don’t really turn us on? Maybe it has lost the “taboo” aspect that female masturbation still has, and also lacks the relationship-developing / fantasy-forwarding aspect of (also not taboo) vanilla sex? The only author I can think of at the moment who includes it, and does it right (i.e., makes it contribute to the story) is J.R. Ward. She mentions it frequently in her Black Dagger series, even in a few group situations (all male, all hetero), but I think it was only explicit in one book. I think it is Lover Avenged (overall not a great book, but an important plot-point in the series) when one of the characters has just “tranisitioned” into being a vampire and there are several explicit masturbation scenes, including the need to clean the sheets and himself.

    Here’s hoping that you’re thinking about this with regard to Lex :)

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