What Stace had to say on Wednesday, May 22nd, 2013
Brought to you by the letter D

…as in “Dork.”

Yesterday I was at the grocery store. Because–I know it’s shocking–I had to get some groceries. In fact, I have to do this pretty much every day. It’s these children of mine, you see. They (and those pesky childcare laws) insist I feed them. Were it not for them, I would happily live on nothing but energy drinks, cigarettes, whiskey, and shame, but you know, when we have kids we give up some of life’s little pleasures.

Anyway. One of the other things I had to buy at the grocery store was toilet paper (those kids again!).

For some time now we’ve been buying this one particular kind of toilet paper. It’s kind of tacky, actually; it’s patterned. Brightly patterned. Some of the rolls have stars–which are my favorite, but they’re very hard to find–and polka dots, and then there are some weird patterns like oddly colored owls or flowery things. Apparently their new design is hearts, which really holds very little appeal for me.

Hearts = not my thing.

Anyway, we needed toilet paper. And I, as I do, was standing on the edge of the bottom shelf (they always put these on the top shelf, and I am not tall), balancing precariously and gripping the top shelf with my left hand while with my right I shifted around all the packages of toilet paper to find the one with more than one polka-dot roll, or to see if I could find a star roll. And of course when I found a package with TWO polka-dot rolls, I set that on the lower shelf–saving it, you see–while I continued shuffling through all the packages to find just the right one.

Imagine this, if you will. A grown woman clinging to the top shelf in the grocery store, risking breaking her fucking neck just to get the package with the most rolls of polka-dot toilet paper inside. People look at me oddly when I do this, and I can’t say I blame them.

So then, this evening, I was explaining this to the hubs. And, as he laughed and laughed at me, I managed to explain to him just why I not only do this, but why when opening the package and taking the rolls out, I save the polka-dot ones for last (I used to save the stars for last but they don’t make them anymore I guess):

“The polka dots are the most festive.”

The most festive.

Yes, indeedy. Because when it comes to toilet paper, what matters is that it be festive. Also, multicolored polka dots are attractive on toilet paper because they are festive. And we save those for last, because we want to anticipate the party. Or something.

Please tell me I’m not the only one who does ridiculous things like this, for ridiculous reasons like that. I’d love to know there are other people who, for another example, don’t like putting spoons next to spoons in the silverware drawer or rack because “that’s just weird.” C’mon, spill.

I have a bit more news and such, too, stuff I left out the other day. First, WRONG WAYS DOWN is about 55,000 words–so it’s really a shorter novel rather than a novella, but it’s not really as complex as a novel so I’m still calling it a novella. That should come to about 215-225 pages, roughly, but I won’t know for sure for a few weeks at least because of the whole formatting-can’t-start-yet thing. The price will be $3.99 for the ebook and I’m not entirely certain yet for the paperback.

As for the cover…I cannot wait for you guys to see it. I love it and it’s not even finished yet.

I have a few other little things in the pipeline, which I’ll announce when I have more details. So stay tuned!

19 comments to “Brought to you by the letter D”

  1. Laura
    · May 22nd, 2013 at 7:18 am · Link

    Hahaha! I most certainly do little things with no valid reason – but of course being on the spot I can’t think of any off the top of my head!

  2. Stephanie D.
    · May 22nd, 2013 at 8:10 am · Link

    Oh I do the same things! I work at a bookstore and we sell pop all the labels have to face out or I freak, also when I buy toilet tissue, I have to stack it just as it comes in the package because it comes in that order so it stays in that order my family doesn’t mess around when it comes to putting the bathroom products away anymore they jut hand them over to me!

  3. jeffo
    · May 22nd, 2013 at 10:38 am · Link

    All through this post I’m eying the picture and expecting you and trying to figure out why they have a picture of a dog on a package of toilet paper. And I’m thinking you’re going to say you got it home, and found it was actually some kind of doggy diaper instead.

    Festivity is definitely not something I look for in toilet paper, I must say.

    • Stace
      · May 25th, 2013 at 7:29 am · Link

      Ha! No, the brand’s slogan is “puppies on a roll.” Which sounds kind of creepy and gross to me, but I guess it works for them. :)

  4. Jane
    · May 22nd, 2013 at 11:56 am · Link

    I love that pattern. I wish there was something like it in the U.S. As for the clinging to the top shelf in the grocery store, a regular situation for me because I am short. It is so annoying.

    I can’t wait for the Wrong Ways Down. I love the Downside series and Chess and Terrible. I don’t know anything about the e publishing process but I am confused about why the cover would hold up formatting (not a complaint just curiosity about the process). I used to do graphic design and did my own production as far as formatting the text and setting the document up technically for pre-press. The cover could be done at any time and had nothing to do with when the body text was formatted so I wonder why it is different with e publishing.

    • Stace
      · May 25th, 2013 at 7:30 am · Link

      Honestly? I don’t know either, I just know the formatting people said they need the cover before they can start.

  5. Tina R.
    · May 22nd, 2013 at 1:34 pm · Link

    Can’t wait for Wrong Ways Down!!

    • Tina R.
      · May 22nd, 2013 at 1:35 pm · Link

      Oh yes, and the only “weird” thing I do is when eating I have to finish all of one type of food on my plate before I go on to the next. :)

  6. Arlyn Huffman
    · May 22nd, 2013 at 8:51 pm · Link

    Please tell me there will be an audio book despite the length. Bahni Turpin is beyond amazing. Need more emails and letters to Brilliance Audio? I sent several for SM & CM.

    • Stace
      · May 25th, 2013 at 7:37 am · Link

      Oh, probably not, actually; I don’t know that there’d be interest in the audio rights for a side project like this. (It’d need a male reader, anyway, though.) Sorry!

  7. Lege Artis
    · May 23rd, 2013 at 10:13 am · Link

    Of course you are not the only one. I am creature of habit an I tend to travel long distance just to buy delicatessen in this one store because I like the way they wrap everything up. It has nothing to do with taste, but no… I have to go there. ::facepalm::
    I’m very excited about novella news. I’m even more excited because of its length. Can’t wait to see the cover!

  8. shadyshanny
    · May 23rd, 2013 at 5:44 pm · Link

    I do the same thing with kleenex boxes, always dig for the pack with my fave pattern!

  9. Cassi Carver
    · May 24th, 2013 at 12:09 am · Link

    I’m a digger too. When buying a magazine or book, I check all covers to find which is most perfect. Same with printed clothing. Did you ever notice that some patterns turn out much better on one garment than the other? So I totally understand the toilet paper thing, and I’m actually thrilled we don’t have printed toilet paper here in Southern California (at least where I shop). That would be one more thing to add to my neurosis.

  10. BernardL
    · May 24th, 2013 at 7:08 am · Link

    Hi Stace. It’s nice to see you back. I’ve accumulated many goofy glitches in what I do and the way I do them over the years, especially at my repair shop where I work alone. The one at home I get kidded about the most is I never waste anything. Nothing that works ever gets thrown out at my house. I still have my Seiko Dive watch from 1977, and it still goes down with me on dives. T-shirts get worn into the undiscovered country of use and then are sliced up for rags at the shop. I do not, however, have polka dot toilet paper. :)

    • Stace
      · May 25th, 2013 at 7:37 am · Link

      Nice to see you, too, Bernard! {{Hug}}

  11. Sarah
    · May 24th, 2013 at 7:56 pm · Link

    Dude, if they had star tp here,I would absolutely climb the shelves for it. I’ll take my festive sparkles wherever I can get them.

    I’m pretty laid back, but I confess that I do HAVE to have my black and red place settings in an alternating pattern, in the cupboard and in the dishwasher.

  12. Danielle
    · May 24th, 2013 at 11:12 pm · Link

    So funny! I totally get the spoon thing though; I alternate spoons and forks in my silverware drawer. I am not sure why, but it feels like the right thing to do. Also, when I was younger I had to separate all of my candy by color and number of pieces in the package and eat them from least pieces to most pieces (I always saved red M & Ms for last though, because they tasted the best). 😉

  13. Melissa
    · May 29th, 2013 at 6:27 am · Link

    Also guilty. Every time I buy a toothbrush I will go though every toothbrush on the hanger thingy to see if there is an orange one even though I have never, ever, seen one. My flatware must also be segregated during washing – forks and spoons can’t touch!! (That’s were olive forks and sugar spoons come from, right? 😉 )

    Can’t wait for WWD! I need a new fix something terrible..

  14. Gems
    · July 15th, 2013 at 3:47 pm · Link

    Haha!!! I’m giggling away at this as I love this toilet roll & do exactly the same thing sorting through them all to choose the best patterns! Fortunately, I’m quite tall so can rummage to the back to get our faves! Lol

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