Archive for 'help me not be a loser'

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What Stace had to say on Wednesday, July 1st, 2015
I Aten’t Dead

Good lord! I cannot believe it’s been so long since I’ve updated here. And this is not going to be a long post (sorry), but I do have some nice long posts planned for the next few months.

I’ve been very busy–mostly working (I have given myself carpal tunnel, bleh) but also dealing with some family-related things; my MIL has been ill and there’s been some time-consuming things going on with the girls–nothing bad, just time-consuming.

I know that you’re all eager for news of the sixth Downside book (which I have tentatively titled UNHOLY LUCK), and I can say that it looks like a Feb 2016 release date is planned. So not long now! I’m also working on a new project, and of course I have the next Terrible-POV book, and a few other things which I can’t wait to tell you about (and will, as soon as they’re more than files on my hard drive).

I’m so sorry I’ve been neglecting the blog. See, I’m a bit of a procrastinator and a big Avoider Of Things. So I’ll post something, and for the next week or so I think, “Oh, I just posted.” Then the next few weeks are full of, “I don’t want to post some crappy little meh thing, I’ll wait til I have something valuable to post.” Then comes the “Oh, I’d love to blog about That and That and This, but I’ll write it at the weekend when I have some free time.” Then the weekend comes (and seriously, this isn’t like a one-time thing, this happens constantly) and I think, “Better to just write it and post it directly.”

Then I think of writing it, and realize it’s, like, Friday at 5:00, and think, “I’ll wait until next week, so I can post it early in the week as opposed to the very end.”

This goes on for a month or two, and then I start panicking. “It’s been So Long, so loong, since I posted, I’d better have something really big to say, or they’re gonna be so mad at me.”

Next comes, “I don’t want to come back to the blog with a big old rant about something, like I didn’t stop blogging for a while at all. I need to find a nice little thing to post, to dip my toe back in the water, so to speak.”

Oh, and there’s also the “I’d love to blog about X issue, but my blog isn’t that kind of blog.”

And the “I’ll post it on Facebook. Lots of people are on Facebook, right? So it’s an update from me but I didn’t have to go into my website, which makes me feel guilty and bad because it needs to be updated.”

All of this, btw, has a strong undercurrent of, “Damn it, Stace, nobody gives a shit about you scrubbing your floors or making window screens out of net curtains or the nest of blackbirds outside your bedroom window and how you bought a bird feeder/bath, and how stupidly enthralled you’ve been watching the birds while you wash dishes. They want news and they want book info, and you’re just going to piss them off if you tra-la-la onto here nattering on about whatever random crap pops into your head. Don’t waste your time blogging about other stuff; just get the fucking book(s) done. THEN you can blog again.”

There was also a period of “Shit, WordPress has issued like three updates, and I can’t even get into my site because I’m still running the old version, ack!”

Then we reach the big Avoidance phase, where I just pretend the blog doesn’t exist. This is where I was, until about a month ago, when I skipped back to the “I have stuff to say, just not enough time to say it,” and “They’ll want a big update,” and “I need to stick my toe in first before posting big long rants.”

So here is my toe. It is very sorry it’s been away, as is the rest of me (well, the rest of me is sorry that all of me has been away; it doesn’t really care about my toe).

And I DO have stuff planned. I have some thoughts about happy endings and moral superiority, and various other things, and I do want to prep some fun stuff that I’ve had planned for a while.

…assuming anyone wants to hear about it, of course.

I have missed you all, and am so grateful for your comments on Twitter and Facebook and all of the emails I’ve received.

What Stace had to say on Monday, June 25th, 2012
CHASING MAGIC is released tomorrow!

*Eep*

I hope you guys are excited! I have to tell you, this release has sneaked up on me like nobody’s business. Wasn’t yesterday the middle of May? How did we reach the end of June already?

And, in case you’re not or in case you’re on the fence…some reviews!:

5 Butterflies from Books to Brighten Your Mood:

Chasing Magic is just perfect. Just as good as every other book in the series, just as dark, just as violent, just as twisted but beautiful and lyrical at the same time.

5 Stars from Miss Vain’s Paranormal Fantasy:

I say this every time so I’ll just say it again, this is my most favorite book in the series. I was on an emotional roller coaster for most of this book, and that’s how I prefer my favorite reads. … There’s a reason why this is my most favorite urban fantasy series out there, and it’s because the exceedingly great world building and my adoration for her characters Chess & Terrible that Stacia Kane has captivated me with.

4.5 Stars from Yummy Men & Kick-Ass Chicks:

This installment starts you off high and just keeps you going. It’s not heart gripping the entire time but even when Chess and Terrible aren’t running for their lives, you are still fully involved in the story and the investigation behind it. Stacia did a great job with the pacing in this book. And the ending…I think fans of the series will be quite pleased. All in all, Stacia does a superb job with this installment.

B+ from Smexybooks:

The ending is an explosive culmination of events that leaves you reeling and exhausted. Chasing Magic only reinforces that Kane’s Downside series continues to be one of my top urban fantasy series picks.

Christine at Tynga’s Reviews says:

It is not a big secret that I might be the biggest fan of this series. This gem of urban fantasy hides its raw beauty under a huge layer of blood and violence. I wish I had the right words to praise it the way it deserves, but everything that comes to mind doesn’t seem adequate. Chasing Magic pulls you in with the very first chapter, puts you through a whole spectrum of emotions and spits you out wanting even more. The characters, the world, the writing – all is highly addictive awesomeness.

5 Loveys from Larissa’s Bookish Life:

…Chasing Magic is full of nail botting and intriguing action that will not let you stop reading for a second. I love how Stacia Kane is able to balance both sides of the series and deliver not only an action-packed novel, but a heart wrenching one as well.

Caitie at The Readventurer says:

I know I’m not the only one who starts to get that feeling of dread as a series I love gets longer and longer. There’s a part of me that’s always just waiting for the installment that jumps the shark. It’s not like it hasn’t happened before. And the first four books in this series have all been so good! The stakes are even higher. Well, never fear! As your advanced warning system, I’m here to happily wave the olly-olly-oxen-free flag and assure you that this one is everything that we’ve come to expect from Stacia Kane and more.

5 Stars from Underworld Love Addiction:

I love each book in this series more than the last one. Stacia Kane has outdone herself as usual with Chasing Magic.

5 Stars from Addicted2Heroines:

Chasing Magic, the fifth installment of Stacia Kane’s innovative and dark Downside Ghosts series is, in my opinion, the best book of the series to date. … This is one of, if not the best, urban fantasy series out there right now. It would be a shame for you to miss this epic story.

There are more, but I think it’s time to move on. The point is, please buy the book. People seem to be enjoying it. :smile:

Let’s see, what else is happening?

I’ve gotten a few emails from readers asking about buying HOME and FINDING MAGIC outside of the US. I plan to blog about this in more detail later, but as far as FINDING MAGIC goes, we’re working on it and I promise I’ll pass on whatever news I get as soon as I get it. HOME is out of my control; the lovely folks at Macmillan have rights to distribute in English worldwide, so it’s up to them where they want to do so.

I’m painting my kitchen. I will post pictures; I hope to have it finished in the next couple of days!

…I could swear I had something bigger to discuss, but I cannot for the life of me recall it, so it’ll have to wait. Meanwhile, again, CHASING MAGIC’s US release is tomorrow, and I would love it if people would buy a copy!

What Stace had to say on Monday, March 12th, 2012
SACRIFICIAL MAGIC stuff! (and Cage Match Round 2)

Guess what I got this morning? Two copies of SACRIFICIAL MAGIC, right off the presses; yay! As always it’s so exciting to see it as an actual book; it somehow removes it from me a step further, so it doesn’t feel like the manuscript I wrote but this entirely different thing, this actual book.

And it’s so pretty! I love that cover so much, sigh, I really do.

Also: Round Two of the Suvudu Cage Match is up! Chess vs. Kelsier, from Brandon Sanderson’s MISTBORN novels. Kelsier is a hugely popular character from a hugely popular series, guys so vote early, vote often! Again, for every round Chess wins I will post another excerpt, so this is your chance for another sneak peek! (For those who missed it, here’s the CHASING MAGIC excerpt I posted over the weekend.)

And, as promised, I have the playlist for you!

1. X – Johnny Hit and Run Paulene*
2. The Jam – Eton Rifles
3. Black Sabbath – Paranoid
4. The Circle Jerks – When the Shit Hits the Fan
5. The Damned – New Rose
6. The Vibrators – Baby Baby Baby
7. Operation Ivy – Freeze Up
8. Cringer – Cottleston Pie
9. The Undertones – Male Model
10. Howlin’ Wolf – Evil
11. G.G. Allin – Hell in NYC

Also, we have two new reviews for SACRIFICIAL MAGIC!

From Goldilox and the Three Weres:

So, let’s summarize my feelings for Sacrificial Magic, shall we? ADORATION.

Fans of grittier UF, damaged heroines, adult dystopian, unusual heroes, and the F word will love this book.

And from Babbling About Books (warning: the review contains a few minor spoilers; I won’t quote them here, and again they are minor, but click at your own risk):

Sacrificial Magic is one of my most anticipated reads of 2012 and it doesn’t disappoint. It’s explosive, full of nail biting tension and has incredibly written passages I kept re-reading certain paragraphs because the words sound like poetry to me. Stacia has blown my mind away with Sacrificial Magic. She continues to improves with every book. This is a must read and will most likely be in my top 5 favorite books for this year. Chess and Terrible have become my latest addiction where I wait with bated breath for their next adventure.

Can you believe it’s only fifteen days to go now?

Oh! I’m going to start the contest this week, and don’t forget about the Goodreads Q&A Group! I’ve already answered a couple of questions there, but the fun will really start March 20th, so go join up, chat, ask some questions, all of that!

What Stace had to say on Tuesday, March 6th, 2012
Cage Match is UP!

The Suvudu Supernatural Cage Match 2012 has started! Sixty-four characters from your favorite (or not-so-favorite) fantasy/urban fantasy/paranormal/sci-fi novels, battling it out on the Suvudu blog, and readers pick the winners. And Chess is a “contestant!”

Suvudu asked me to write a battle scene for them; it’s Chess vs. Giles Babcock, the main vampire Big Bad from Justin Cronin’s THE PASSAGE. Yes, I got to write a scene where Chess fights a vampire, which was something I never thought I’d do, since, you know, they don’t exist in Chess’s world. It was actually really fun, and really fun to kind of play with someone else’s character a bit, and especially to find a way for Chess to beat his vampire ass. Heh heh.

Now. When the Suvudu editors did their “picks” last Friday, they all predicted Chess would lose. Probably because THE PASSAGE was a huge NYT bestseller, and because Babcock is a genetically altered vampire with skin like steel and superspeed and all that stuff.

BUT.

This clearly shows that the Suvudu editors do not understand that I have the most awesome readership on the planet, because if they did, they would know that genetically-altered-steel-skinned-vampire bastard may be tough and all, but he doesn’t stand a chance. You guys make all the difference here. And part of the game is for us to get our readership out there voting and commenting and playing along; like I said, the winners are picked by readers, and reader participation is what makes the Match so much fun for everyone.

So please, take a few minutes to read the scene, and place your vote! Leave a comment! Make your presence known!

If we can get Chess into Round Two–and she is currently ahead, thanks to awesome readers like you guys–I’ll post a special new excerpt from either SACRIFICIAL MAGIC or CHASING MAGIC! (And will do the same for every round she advances.)

I say we show them how things are done in Downside; what do you say?

What Stace had to say on Wednesday, February 29th, 2012
Squee! Squee!

First, I got to do the most awesome thing this weekend, on Sunday. See, it was the first-ever London Super Comic-con, and hubs and I decided we wanted to go. Then we saw that Mr. Stan Lee was going to be there, and we could get books signed by him and get a picture taken.

Now, let me just say I am not one to pay for autographs or for pictures, in general. It’s just not my thing. Sure, of course I’ll buy the book I’m getting signed, but in general? Nah. However. This is STAN LEE. STAN THE MAN. The guy who invented pretty much every character in the Marvel comics stable. You bet your ass I wanted to meet him. And I especially wanted the girls to meet him, because how awesome is it to say you met Stan Lee when you were ten?

Because we were paying for the autographs, hubs and I decided to forego them for ourselves and just get them for the babies. So both Princess and Faerie got to hand their books to Stan and say “Thank you, Mr. Lee,” and they got to say who their favorite characters were, and it was pretty awesome. And then, we got to do the picture. Here it is (under the cut): Read the rest of this entry »

What Stace had to say on Friday, February 24th, 2012
Q&A Group!

So I have a few things to rant about; I’ll probably do that Monday or Tuesday, if I do it at all. For now I just want to mention that I went ahead and started an Author Q&A group on Goodreads. I figured I’d open it now to give people time to find it, and we’d start the discussion on March 20, but people have already been joining and posting (which I didn’t expect at all!) so…well, I don’t really know what to do; I’ve gone ahead and answered a few questions but figure I won’t really jump in with both feet yet, because there’s some preliminary-type reader-only discussion taking place there, too, and I don’t want to interfere (but neither do I want to just ignore everyone).

I am reading, though! And I may take a few of the questions and add them to my FAQ page at some point. So please do join up if you want to hang out with some cool readers, and discuss some of my books with me, and feel free to start discussions/ask whatever questions you want, about anything.

So I hope to see you over there!

What Stace had to say on Thursday, July 7th, 2011
L.A. BANKS AUCTION OPEN!

And you can bid to win a custom T-shirt from the Downside Market and a Downside playlist (your choice).

What is the custom t-shirt? Well. It can be whatever you’d like it to be. Have a favorite quote from the books you want on a shirt? Let me know, and I’ll get it on there. Want your name on the back? I can do that. Want it to say “Terrible loves only me?” I can do that, too. Want to do your own design and have it added to the Market itself? Let’s talk! I will contact the winning bidder after the auction closes to discuss ideas or thoughts; of course, if you just want to pick an already-existing design you’re welcome to do that, too.

L.A. Banks needs our help. And since everyone knows my readers are the best readers in all of readerdom, I really hope to see you all bidding! Not just on my items (although of course I’d love to see them do well so I don’t feel like a huge loser), but on all of the other amazing stuff that’s listed. Look at this auction, it’s huge!

Yesterday we sent out the new Downside Army email, with an excerpt from my story in the upcoming HOME IMPROVEMENT: UNDEAD EDITION anthology. If you didn’t get your email and you have signed up here on the site, let me know. (Also, please double-check the email address you sign up with!) I mentioned in the email that this is the first new Downside material to be released since CITY OF GHOSTS’s release date almost a year ago (in fact, today is the one-year anniversary of UNHOLY MAGIC’s release, now that I think of it). Which, technically, it is. THE BRAVE TALE OF MADDIE CARVER isn’t really a Downside story; although Elder Griffin is in it briefly, since it’s actually a story about the beginning of Haunted Week there was no Downside at that time. (There’s a bit of the history of the place and how it became what it is in SACRIFICIAL MAGIC, actually.)

So technically MADDIE CARVER isn’t a Downside story. And of course the story doesn’t have Chess or Terrible or Lex or anyone in it, since they were babies or toddlers at the time (aaw). RICK THE BRAVE (the antho story), on the other hand, does.

So that’s it for today. Please go bid on items to help L.A. Banks, and if you’re a DA member but didn’t get your email, let me know.

What Stace had to say on Monday, March 21st, 2011
Keep your tongue where it belongs!

I was updating my FAQ a little while ago and wanted to link to the Polish editions of the Demons books on Amber Publishing’s website. And guess what I found? The Downside books are available in a boxed set over there! How cool is that? (Google translate tells me the wording at the top is “STACII KANE in a Box.” Which makes me think of the end of the movie SEVEN. Eek.)

Anyway, I was excited to see it, so there you go. Also, it occurs to me that I haven’t really updated the FAQ in a while, so if you have any questions you want in there, please ask them! (I did remember to add “How do you pronounce “Cesaria?” because I do get asked that fairly often.)

So. I saw something yesterday that reminded me of this; I’d ranted about it a bit on Twitter one night but not in a post here. You know what I really dislike? I really dislike kissing scenes in books where at any point one character “runs his/her tongue” over the other person’s lips. Eeeew. I don’t want my mouth licked, thank you. It tickles, and it feels slobbery.

I asked about this on Twitter and one of my pals there said he’d once dated a girl who really, really liked it. I think she’s an anomaly, since I’ve never known anyone else who did. And yet, this happens all the time in books. Why? It’s such a weird thing to do! Especially before that very first kiss, at least I think so. The lip-licking makes me think of a snake. Or a dog. It doesn’t make me think of sexy times.

There are plenty of places on the human body where tongues are welcome (that’s what she said, yeah, ha ha). But having the outside of my mouth licked just feels like the guy has bad aim, or like he’s trying to figure out if I’m something edible or a rock, or maybe like he’s seen way too many movies and thus will probably try to pull all those slick moves that look erotic but aren’t at all, and thus will bore me to death before anything actually happens.

I don’t want tongues inside my ears, either. In fact, I don’t want anything inside my ears. Not even air gently blown.

So…who is it out there who likes this, and keeps sticking it in books? It’s kind of like how someone got the idea that it felt good to have the cervix banged into, and for a while there were tons of books where men were banging into cervixes and that was driving the women wild. Um, actually, that hurts every woman I know. (But I confess, even I wrote it; I can’t remember what book it was in, but I did write it. Mainly because it seemed like it was in every book so I started wondering if maybe it was just me who found it painful, and everyone else loved it. It wasn’t until I had the guts to ask around that I discovered no, it hurts pretty much all women. I don’t remember if it stayed to publication or not.)

Anything you see in books and don’t “get?” How do you feel about the lip-licking thing? Got any questions you’d like put in my FAQ?

To-do update:

Finish Downside 5 (just over 50k now)
edits for SACRIFICIAL MAGIC
more words on New Project
possible exciting new Downside thing I can’t discuss yet
erotic novella (not yet started)
Demons novella (not yet started)

What Stace had to say on Wednesday, January 19th, 2011
Watch me work, y’all

Somehow–I’m not entirely certain–I’ve become buried under a work avalanche. A whole bunch of stuff at once. Let’s list them, shall we?

1. A short story for an anthology. It’s a “ghost romance” story, due Feb. 1. While I’d had a sort of loose half-plan to write something non-Downside, just for fun/to do a different take on ghosts, it occurred to me that really, people are going to want and expect a Downside story (and you all know shorts aren’t really my forte, anyway, so it’s difficult enough for me to come up with stuff for them; all of my ideas want to turn themselves into novels). Plus, it is a ghost *romance* anthology, so it might be fun to do a Downside story a little more on the sweet side.

So that’s what I’m doing. A romance-y story–more like a romantic story, really–with some nice sex and sappiness (short spoiler if you haven’t read CITY OF GHOSTS: Yes, that means a Chess/Terrible sex scene) to go with all the kinky pervy creepiness that’ll be in there too. I’m not sure what the release date will be on it yet, but I imagine it’ll be at some point near the end of the year. I will of course keep you posted.

2. A dark erotic novella I had an idea for a while ago. There’s no rush on this, and I haven’t actually started it yet. My original plan was to self-publish it (because I had such a blast doing the Strumpet book), but I mentioned it to my EC editor and she’s interested in seeing it, so we’ll see what happens. It’s a very, very dark story, so may not be right for them. But either way, it’s on my list and it’ll be out there at some point.

3. A new novel project I’m working on. Again, no rush on it, but it’s coming along. Hopefully well. I can’t be sure. It’s something I’ve been toying with for a while, actually, and this is sort of a re-start, so we’ll see where it goes.

4. Downside 5. Yes, this is actually the second thing on my list, to start as soon as I finish the short. And it’s due in early April, I think, and I’m determined not to miss my deadline this time. And I’m very excited to dive into it! I think it’s going to be really fun to write, and hopefully it’ll be really fun to read.

5. Edits for Downside 4. These haven’t come in yet, but I expect them pretty much any day.

6. Another novella, likely for self-pubbing, set in the Demons world. I’ve been asked for (DEMON POSSESSED spoiler) Megan & Greyson’s wedding quite a bit, and at some point I’d like to do that, and maybe slip Nick & Tera’s story in there as well. I’m not sure when I’ll get to this, so I guess technically it’s not on my plate at the moment, but it is on my master list, so there you go.

7. And of course, Downside 6.

I also have a guest blog post due, like, tomorrow (eep!) and I have no frickin clue what to write about, so if anyone has any suggestions/questions they’d like answered, pleeeeease leave them in comments, or @ me on Twitter, or whatever.

Oh, and a couple of interviews that I also need to get to. Not to mention the reader email; I’m caught up to like mid-October now. I’m trying to do reader email every Saturday night for a couple of hours, but it’s not really working out that way these days. I’m going to see if I can’t get back into that, though, because it’s important.

A few more things:

This blog is hilarious. It’s done by a guy who owns a comic shop, and it’s basically little one-panel cartoons of some of the customers in all their crazy/stupid/dickheady glory. Even if you don’t read comics, I guarantee you’ll find something to laugh at.

This blog is full of fantastic inspiration. I get all sorts of cool ideas from looking at pictures like these, so if you do too it’s worth a look.

Mac Cosmetics is doing a new line of Wonder Woman make-up. I am not making that up. Take a look. Kind of old-woman-y colors, though, aren’t they? That lipstick looks like the sort of nail polish shade my mother has fifteen jars of. Like a swollen tongue.

If you’re in the UK, make sure you check the book shelves at your local Asda, because they’ve agreed to stock the Downside books! My HarperUK editor informed me of this the other day and I’m all squeaky thrilled. It won’t be in all their stores but it’ll be in some, and it’s a big deal for me (Asda doesn’t usually stock my kind of books), so let’s hope they sell there.

I think that’s it. So to sum up (I don’t know why I’ve been “summing up” lately, it’s not like you didn’t read the damn post yourself):

*I am busy as shit.

*I have to write a guest post for which I have not a single relevant idea.

*Lots of interesting pictures and funnies can be found online (who knew?).

*Wonder Woman apparently prefers pressed powder, and makes some rather dull color choices for her line.

*You can buy my books at Asda at the same time you pick up your new towels, washing-up liquid, fish fingers, and sticky toffee pudding (mmm, sticky toffee pudding).

What Stace had to say on Sunday, March 15th, 2009
Thoughts on finishing a book

I was going to blog today–well, tomorrow, actually, because it’s 12:25 am right at this moment–about pantsing, and how sometimes really cool stuff just appears, and I’ve had two incidences of that in the last two days and it was awesome. And I might go ahead and blog about that at the League in the morning; I probably will.

But right now…right now I feel awful.

I just finished the book.

It should be a good thing. And it is, really. Finishing a book is a Good Thing. We *should* finish books. Especially contracted books.

But this one–new title DEVOURER OF GHOSTS–is the third Downside book. The last contracted Downside book. And I have no idea if I’ll get to write more.

I certainly hope I will. I hope the series is popular enough, sells well enough to justify another contract. But there are no guarantees, as we all know; especially not in this business.

So right at this moment, instead of celebrating, instead of gleefully sitting back and having a cocktail, I am bereft. Totally and completely.

Sure, I’m not done done. I have edits. I have a subplot to strengthen and a Baddie to make badder. I have copyedits for DOWNSIDE GHOSTS. Heck, I have edits and line edits and copyedits for this book. It’s not like I never get to visit this world again, or play with these characters I love so much–and I do, I really, really love them. I’m looking forward to actually reading this book first page to last, as I haven’t done that yet.

But I don’t know how much more playing I’ll get to do. I don’t know if I’ll get to create new stories for them, to expand what’s there. I have some scenes already waiting in my head, some plot twists and moments and scares; I have no idea if I’ll ever get to write them. I have full plots for the next two books, in fact, including an entire weeklong ceremonial celebration complete with blood sacrifices and roaring fires and haunted streets…and I might never get to write any of it.

Intellectually I know I’ll get over it. That after a few days I’ll have found something else to work on–I’m actually 17k into a new project and I am looking forward to making some heavy progress on that–and, hey, if things don’t work out I can spin those ideas into a new world and it just might work, right?

Intellectually I know I feel this way when most of my books end. It’s worse for the non-series books, when you really *are* done with those characters when you write THE END. I’ve never cried after finishing a book until now, but I usually feel like it. Writing a book takes an enormous amount out of a person, or at least, out of me. By the time it’s done I’m usually sort of a drooling goon, unable to think or talk about anything else, unable to see anything else, I’m so focused on bringing a good ending home; my eyes burn, my hands ache, my right arm is sore from moving the cursor, my knees stiff from being folded in one position for so long. I haven’t gotten a solid night’s sleep in a week; I wake up three or four times, jerked from dreams in which the characters act out scenes in my head. It’s always like that for me as the book starts wrapping up, but this one has been worse.

So I know all this. I know I’ll get over it and be okay, that I’ll go to sleep now and wake up feeling much better and ready to start editing. But it doesn’t help, not right now. Not when I’m facing saying goodbye. This is the series that got me an agent and my first NY deal; the one that paid for us to go back home in a few weeks. And I just love it so much and I feel so lonely and uncertain.

The part that was up to me, the real heavy lifting, is done. I know pretty much what needs to be done in edits. Aside from the subplot and strengthening it’s just fine-tuning: fiddling with sentence structure, eliminating redundancies, etc. I’ve done what I can do, what I needed to do, and I’ll continue to do so, but soon it won’t matter at all. It won’t matter what I think or how I feel. Because the book will be out there, in the hands of readers (um, or not, which of course is the real fear), and what they think of it will make all the difference. That’s scary. Very scary. This is a very dark series, about drugs and poverty and ghettos; in this climate, are people really going to want to read about my punk-rock ghetto no-hopers? I sure hope so, but there’s no way to tell, is there.

So there you go. My unvarnished thoughts on finishing a book, specifically this book, which is the last book under contract. I hope I get to write more. I want to write more, desperately.

But I might not get to. And it’s hard to think about and it makes me sad. And that’s where I am at this moment; just sad. And hopeful, and nervous, and scared, and wishing I could start it all over so I don’t have to say goodbye.

Sorry, everyone. I’ll have cheered up by Thursday, I promise.



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